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New here.. my story.

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Kathy

Well-Known Member
#1
Erm, i'm 15 years old. I self harm and have an eating disorder. Possibly OCD.

5 weeks ago I attempted. I overdosed. Not a majorly bad one, but I thought it could kill me. Unfortunatly i'm still here. I was taken to hospital in the middle of the night and it was the first my parents knew about my self harm or that I was even unhappy. My dad shouted at me calling me "ridiculously stupid". My mum cried all they way to the hospital. At hospital I wasn't allowed to close the curtains on my cubicle in A&E in case I did anything again. I had my blood taken and was talked to my doctors and nurses.

I was taken to a ward in the morning. I had an arguement with my mum and ran away from the ward. I ran through the hospital crying looking for the way out, I wasn't really in a state to read sign posts. I finally got out and I just ran. I was crying and shouting at myself and trying to hurt myself on things. I guess I must have looked pretty scary, people where crossing to the other side of the street. The police where called on me.

When I got back i got my blood test results back and they where within safe limits. I talked to the mental health people there and was discharged.

All those memories hurt so much. It's been just over 5 weeks. I should be over it by now. I hate how weak I am. I don't want to be weak.

I feel so guilty for all the people i've hurt. For wasting the hospital's time, the police's time, my parent's time. It's made me more suicidal since that night. I guess maybe the fact i'm in councelling is giving me some small thing to hold on to. I'm scared i'll try again. It's a bridge that's easier to cross the second time.

Anyone know how to get over this?
 
#2
Take your time - 5 weeks is NO time whatsoever to deal with something like that, stick at the counselling, it's a long term process but the benefits are worth it...

And keep talking to us here...

Much love
Chris
 

Kathy

Well-Known Member
#3
My councellor is giving me the control over my councelling. How long I have it for etc. And I have no idea what to do about it. I want to not be the messed up kid anymore. I want to get out of councelling and be "normal". It doesn't seem to be working anyway. I don't know. I guess I just want to feel better, but i'm not sure councelling will do that.
 
#4
It is a long term process, make sure you tell your counsellor after a few sessions if you feel it's working or not - that way between you you'll be able to work out a better way of working together...
 
#6
When I was your age I had similair problems, I thought I would never be any different to the confused and hurt teenager I was then.

I'm 21 now and studying at College, I have so many friends and enjoy everything about life. I havent self harmed in three years.

Chin up and everything will be ok in the end. It seems long away but in the grand scheme hapiness isn't far away.
Think about the future you have ahead of you at 15.... you have so many new people to meet, a whole world of opportunities after school and even time to fall in love one day.

Don't worry about what is 'normal' and not normal, emotions are normal to have and everyone handles it differently. Keep up with the councilling, theres nothing to ever be ashamed of.
 

Sparky55313

Well-Known Member
#8
You are very young.
Do counseling and do the work they request.
Today I am 52 years of age and still learning.
I respect all that I have learned and love life this moment.
Hope all works out for you.
Peace love & joy
 

Kathy

Well-Known Member
#9
I stopped councelling. I really hated it. He didn't understand me. He took no notice of anything I said really. Thanks for your reply.
 

theaterfreak

Well-Known Member
#10
perhaps you can find a new counselor? i've been in counseling since oct and sometimes i think i'm getting better but it can be slow going. its important to stick with it but you do need to do it with someone you can trust.
 

chipper

Well-Known Member
#12
I stopped councelling. I really hated it. He didn't understand me. He took no notice of anything I said really. Thanks for your reply.
i never like counselling. i didn't see the point of trusting someone who i had to pay to listen to me.

i know this is hard but what works for me is humor. i try to laugh... as much as i can. the joy may be superficial and fleeting but when i do it often enough, i realize it makes me feel teenie tiny bit better. i try to make myself laugh just for the heck of it. even if it means me researching every stand up comedian on youtube, i'd do it. being happy takes a lot of work but when you get it done, it's worth it.
 
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