New Here - my story

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by mistyeye, Apr 6, 2012.

  1. mistyeye

    mistyeye Member

    I don't know what its like to be normal.

    From the time I was 8 or 9 I was bullied because I was chubby.I was the class outcast and was also the outcast at home. I was physically and mentally abused both places. I have been depressed /suicidal for as long as I can remember.

    I suspect I may have been molested by an elderly neighbor as I have a partial memory of being cornered in a room by him around age 4. I was also inexplicably happy when I heard he died when I was around 10.

    I have been spared very little in life. I have had eating disorders, sleep disorders, alcoholism, social anxiety, job losses an abusive relationship and divorce and Im only in my 30s. I have had precious few happy days. Most of my relationships involve someone taking advantage of,or manipulating me. If I ever stand up for myself I lose the relationship.

    I feel like I will never escape this pattern. Im just so tired now I just want to sleep forever.
    I guess Im looking for people like me who know how I feel for friendship and support .

    Hope to speak with u soon.
  2. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    I have had a lot of the problems you mention in your post: being bullied for my weight, sexual and mental abuse, sleeping problems, drug addiction, abusive/chaotic relationships, severe social anxiety.

    And even Borderline Personality Disorder on top of all that...although the BPD is the root cause of some of the other problems I mentioned above. I'm only 22, almost 23, myself.

    The first thing that comes to mind after reading your post is, do you know your diagnosis or have you ever been to a doctor? Knowing your diagnosis is the first step in getting help to end the cycle which you speak of. The next step after that is finding the right doctor to help you with your particular problem.

    And P.S., if you want to talk, feel free to PM me.
  3. mistyeye

    mistyeye Member

    I have acute depression and anxiety. I was diagnosed years ago after a halfhearted attempt.
    Im glad to meet you- nice to meet someone who understands:cool:
  4. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Patients with history of any type of mental illnesses should get re-evaluated once a year. So, if you were evaluated years ago, perhaps your diagnosis isn't correct anymore. Judging by what you wrote, it seems to me that your problems may go a bit deeper than anxiety and depression. Drug abuse, for instance, has nothing to do with anxiety or depression. Perhaps you are an addict, or perhaps substance abuse is a symptom of a personality disorder of some sort. Abusive relationships also signify a personality disorder. So my advice is to go back to the doctor and get re-evaluated.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Sorry to hear you have had to go through so much. If you ever need to talk or need help with anything, feel free to message me.
  6. mistyeye

    mistyeye Member

    Thank you for your support and advice. I probably should go to the Dr. unfortunately I never do things like that for myself ...
  7. AsphyxiateOnMisery

    AsphyxiateOnMisery Well-Known Member

    Why not? Whats stopping you? Please try to make the initiative to call the doctor and get re-evaluated. It could really benefit you. You deserve to get the help you need.