I don't know what its like to be normal. From the time I was 8 or 9 I was bullied because I was chubby.I was the class outcast and was also the outcast at home. I was physically and mentally abused both places. I have been depressed /suicidal for as long as I can remember. I suspect I may have been molested by an elderly neighbor as I have a partial memory of being cornered in a room by him around age 4. I was also inexplicably happy when I heard he died when I was around 10. I have been spared very little in life. I have had eating disorders, sleep disorders, alcoholism, social anxiety, job losses an abusive relationship and divorce and Im only in my 30s. I have had precious few happy days. Most of my relationships involve someone taking advantage of,or manipulating me. If I ever stand up for myself I lose the relationship. I feel like I will never escape this pattern. Im just so tired now I just want to sleep forever. I guess Im looking for people like me who know how I feel for friendship and support . Hope to speak with u soon. E.