Hello to all, I've never joined a forum like this before. I am an introvert, and always keep to myself. I never ask for help in anything, but I think even though I don't want to ask, I need it. I am 18 years old, but have felt suicidal since I was 12. I'm at the breaking point, I can't hide how terrible I feel anymore. I have always helped others with their problems, but never shared any of my own. Helping others was what kept me going all those years. Now that I'm in college, I don't have anyone to help. I don't like meeting or speaking to people. I've distanced myself from friends because I realized that I've never really wanted to be with them anyway. I only spend time with people because they ask me to. Among friends, family, and classmates, I have always played the counselor. They come to me for advice and help, I never understood why. Work is the only thing that matters, but I can't get enough to do. I finish everything much too quickly, and just end up sitting at my desk, I even do tasks I'm not hired to do, but there still isn't enough to keep busy. I feel useless all the time. It gets increasingly hard to get out of bed each day. Yesterday I didn't get up at all, skipping school and work. I stopped exercising weeks ago. Normally I act cheerful around others, just to keep them away from me. Now I can't even do that. I really don't know why I'm here, I don't want others to know how I feel.