New Here, no hope left, loneliness is killing me.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Social Pariah, Sep 6, 2016.

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  1. Social Pariah

    Social Pariah Member

    I'm in my early 40s and a mother to my 3 kids, who, at present, are the only thing keeping me alive. I moved to the most unfriendly state I've ever lived in (I've lived in 5 states and 2 foreign countries) for ten years and tried so hard to make friends, but failed miserably. I have aspergers, but only diagnosed last year. I was able to make friends all my life (not a whole lot, but good people) until living here. This state I live in has a very different culture and is dominated by one religion. I have not been treated well by members of this church, but I used to be a member until I moved here! My husband is horrifically mentally abusive and I'm trying to escape but there are no resources for people like me. I cannot work and I'm trying to get disability (also have several autoimmune disorders) but that isn't going well. I'm a friendly, loyal and easy to talk to person. But I can't read body language or understand when people are saying something they don't mean. I also don't pick up on things that tell most people that a person I'm trying to befriend, isn't a nice person. The only friendship I managed to find here, was with a nasty manipulative man that I thought was great for 2 years before he betrayed me. My family of origin is full of cluster B personality disorders and only my dad will have anything to do with me. My mother turned everyone, even close family against me when I had to cut contact with her for my own well-being. My kids are so sweet, but they are also mildly autistic and I can't possibly be a good role model. I'm terrified they'll turn out like me.
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you're having a tough time. I can't really relate to your asperger's, but I can relate to living in a place where you don't feel welcome. I live in Canada and I live in an area where my language of choice is the equivalent to me being a dirty criminal. I can't leave yet, but in 3 years or so I'll be saying "au revoir" for good. It's a shame, people are horrible. The woods, my pets and the sky don't care if I'm English! But the society here hates me for it, so I keep to myself and try not to care about it. I'm not the type who needs friends though, but I can see how tough it might be for someone who is.

    I support you regarding your relationship. I am currently in an emotionally abusive relationship, that seems to be getting better...slowly. We've been together three and a half years and he seems to be finally realizing the consequences of his actions and words. Though that could change in a heartbeat. I can't leave either because I am on disability and only have enough to pay the bills currently. But I have a plan to leave or ask him to leave in the spring when I have a little money saved - IF things don't change. I know this sounds a little defeatest, but can you get welfare? Last resort income from the government? With three kids, I don't know what your options are, I chose not to have children. Maybe someone else on the forum can advise you better about that.

    All I can say is that nobody is ever stuck in a situation, there is always a way out, a bright light or an option out there. It may take a lot of work, planning and time, but I hope that you can find your solution soon so you can move on with your life and feel better. Hope that my little reply helped a little bit. xx
  3. Social Pariah

    Social Pariah Member

    I'm applying for disability but it's slow going and not going well. I had some money saved, but got hit by another frivolous lawsuit from my ex over custody and had to use the money for an attorney. Our justice system here sucks. They know he's lying and making trouble but don't make him reimburse me for the thousands of attorney fees it's cost me over the years. Thank you for your reply, it was comforting and I rarely get that. I appreciate it so much.
    Frances M likes this.
  4. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    You're welcome :)

    In Canada, we don't have that lawyer-driven society and hearing the horror stories from the States, I'm grateful for that. It took me nearly a year to get on disability with notes from various doctors, it was slow going here too, but I'm so lucky they accepted me because I don't know what I would have done otherwise. It had its consequences though. I used up all of my savings and retirement funds, my condo in the mountains was foreclosed, had to sell my car and my "stuff" and move to a small apartment in the city. It was such a tough time of my life and took me years to recover financially. I'm on lifetime disability thankfully. So many people abuse the system and I'm so happy that I was seen as a person who seriously needed help. It's not a windfall of money, but it helps me tremendously to live a simple life of solitude. I truly hope you can get on disability, save a little more money and move to your own place with your kids.
  5. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Oh, and I just wanted to say, I am friendless, by choice. Even though I still feel the loneliness at times when my boyfriend is moody and doesn't want to talk. Coming here to this forum helps TREMENDOUSLY. Not only to post my own problems, issues and triumphs, but to read other people's posts and reply the best I can to support or suggest what I can. It's giving me a purpose and helping put my own pain into perspective. I know I can rely on this community to never let me down. I hope you find solace here too, really it helps if you're feeling lonely.
    Petal likes this.
  6. TheRose

    TheRose New Member

    Wow, I cannot imagine having the burdens that you are carrying! I am so sorry for all that you are going through and experiencing. I know what it feels like to move to an area where it is painfully difficult to make friends.

    Are there any counselors in the area that might be able to help you? There are lots of support groups for aspergers and autism on the internet; here are two for starters -- : House of Hope, and the Asperger/Autism Network (AANE). I hope you can check them out!

    I believe in a God who loves you. He has much better for you, and wants to help you and your children. I will be praying for Him to bring people and resources into your life for help and support!
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forums. I am sorry to hear what you are going through, that must be terribly difficult. I do not know much about aspergers, is it treatable, manageable? I hope you stay here with us, we are like a big family of caring, kind and genuinely friendly people. Please stay and keep talking to us. Are you trying to leave your husband for good? You should not tolerable his abuse, you do not have to have a bruise to be abused. I feel so sorry for you and if you ever need to talk just send me a message.
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