Hi, well I ain't too great at this stuff. I had made my decision to end my life. For some reason, I don't know why, I rang the Samaritans yesterday, I felt I needed to talk through my plan with someone and say all my reasons out loud. The call didn't go how it I thought, they helped me see things in a different light. They guilt of my very bad decisions in life and my struggles makes more sense to me now and I am thankful to that person for helping me to do that, I thought that would be impossible. Although I am still a bad person I believe, they helped me see why I made the choices I have and they even understood and seen the reasoning in them. I guess I I feel like my plan has stalled since talking to them, I feel no need to rush it but, I feel the need to continue with it at some point. It's the thought of knowing that's my plan that is getting me through each day right now. I don't know if that makes any sense, I feel so lonely.