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New here-what do I post?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by JoeClay, Nov 23, 2007.

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  1. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    I have made plans for my end.

    It will be very quiet, probably out of the country so my relatives don't find me.

    I have mounting debts, kids that no longer need me (or want me) and no desire to continue this "life."

    I really don't know why I am here since no one can prevent it, unless the IRS decides to cut me loose from paying taxes I could not pay since I was an alcoholic/addict.
  2. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    He died when the house was empty
    When the maid had gone
    He put a pen to paper for one final song
    He wrote -
    Oh babe, it's the only way
    I know it's wrong but I can't stand
    To go on living, to go on
    living, living life this way

    And I don't know what the time is
    Or what the next line is
    Or how you're going to take the news
    But if I had my life again
    I wouldn't change a thing
    I'd let nobody, I'd let nobody
    Stand inside my shoes

    Something's gotten hold of me
    This home is not the home it used to be
    I've gathered dust like the dying flowers
    And I've drunk myself sober
    After hours and hours
  3. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    First let me welcome you to Sf. Im sorry to hear (read) that you see this as only option to your problems. Before going to such lenght, wouldn't it be worth giving us a chance to discuss these issues? Money issues are temp. whereas death is permanent.

    Kids are kids hun. What they say or how they act-react etc is due to their age...... they concentrate (if we can put it his way) onto living their free time to bother with adults' problematics and should be that way yet doesn't mean that they do not care or love their parents. There is a time to be free from hassles of life and another to bother with every aspect of living.

    What you are about to do, set for, is hurting them for a lifetime. They will not understand that you couldn't feel or know that down their hearts they do-did love you and will feel an ongoing guilt to say the least.

    Haven't you got anyone, friend or family member who to talk to about your feelings and how you see things? Suicide is not taboo..... it can be adressed with someone you trust or you can discuss it here as well. I'd like you to give us a chance at helping you......

    Hope you will accept my invitation to open comunication.

    Last edited: Nov 23, 2007
  4. alwaysincrisis

    alwaysincrisis Well-Known Member

    Hi JoeClay,

    Earlier this year I was 32,000 in debt, mainly due to massive spending sprees when I was on a manic phase of bipolar.

    I went to see a free legal advice service here in UK called CAB who reccommended I file for BANKRUPSY. I was aghast when they first mentioned it but believe me when you finally see that you owe absolutely nothing for the first time in your life it is like starting all over again........a clean slate. I would highly reccommend looking into it....think of it as a goal for monday as something to find out about....

    I wish you all the best too with your children..
  5. JayJay

    JayJay Well-Known Member

    Hi Joe

    Take a look at my posting . . . The pain is too heavy. I am 39 and at the lowest ever point of my life. I've prepared everything with letters written and I'm at the end.

    I came onto this site to find out if there was another option.

    I feel shit . . . I really do. I've had a horrible trick played against me and I am so ultra low.

    Please Joe, seek the same as I have done . . . Seek solace and advice from those around you on this site.

    I pray that today will go and that tomorrow comes quickly.

    Prayers have not answered anythign for me as yet.

    Hope you have visted your GP and that you have spoken to your friends or neighbours with this. It only takes one person to make that difference.

    Please hang on . . . Lets get through this together.

    Kind regards

    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2007
  6. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    Thanks to you all for replying.
    Granny, I respectfully take you up on you offer to discuss this with you openly and honestly.
    I feel I have no other option and no, there is no one in my life I can talk to about this. I wish there was.

    To alwaysincrisis:
    This is a little more than just debt. It is car-losing, wage garnishment, possible jail IRS debt. Big difference there, but I welcome your thoughts as well.

    I would really like to change my mind but with all this happening, I can't see another way.
    I am very calm about it.
    There is not too much anxiety. I even have my country in Europe where I want to spend my last days.
    I know there will be pain for my kids, but since I only recently have custody, they see my ex's family as their real familly and I am just a visitor.
    Did I mention last year on Father's Day, they were supposed to meet me at dinner at 3pm?
    They HAD to go see their grandfather in the morning, so after 2 hours, I just left and had dinner. That's what they think of me.

    Believe me, i did nothing over their life to warrant that.
    I was with them every weekend I could, I walked 2 miles in snow, ice and crutches to take them to a movie they just had to see.
    I always paid my child support and took them on vacations to places that most people will never see.
    I was no abusive Father who is now getting his due, Far from it.
    So, here we are. Your turn, granny.
  7. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Joe, I hear you out and feel deeply for you. Going public right now would be foolish of me. Since you are new, you do not know about me so lets keep it to what is of public domain.

    I suffer both mental and physical illnesses and am at the very moment under high medication doses. I am half here and half in dreamland. I can comprehend still, but
    my cognitivity is affected. With your permission I shall let their effect wear off and come back to you later on today.

    I do not know where you are from and am not asking, jsut so that you have an idea ....
    here is just about lunch time....... so if we can meet later on this afternoon I would gladly answer your post and further in private as you wish or feel more comfortable with.

    :hug: granny
  8. xighsequite

    xighsequite Active Member

    You're named after a famous rockabilly artist, Joe.
  9. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    Actually the name comes from the Jack Lemmon character in "Days of Wine and Roses."
    You might be too young for that movie, but it is a great movie for seeing the destruction of alcohol.
    I still remember seeing it as a kid and wondering if we were going to end up in that hotel room with the proverbial blinking neon light shining in the window.
  10. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Before giving it a try, I must admit that I am still a little drowsy from the medication but as you are expecting an answer today, I fell obligated to come and give you my answer. Hope to be clear (good luck) and make sense.

    Here you will have to excuse my being direct, but when it comes to children and parents wrongly believing that what they do will have little or no effect either in the short or long term amazes and really gets to me.

    I am old yet still remember events that have marked me for life yet to my parents if asked today (yes one still amazingly alive running for her last part of a century of life) do not recall anything about it and she is fully and better at memory wise than I could dream to be today.

    You presume a little too much for my taste hun. On account that you only recently got the custody of your children that will make a difference on their suffering in their lifetime. You really make light of it Joe. What makes the diffrence if a child is more attatched, affectionated or else to a parent? The having custudy or a longer time? Weren't you there all the time even though you were not living physically with them under a single roof?

    How about you do ask children of all ages how much they are affectionated to their parent in similar situation as yours? Go out and ask and find out for yourself the impact loosing that parent would have change or affected their life (either the children interogated are now young adults or underaged). I guess you have lost touch with what it is and means to be a child my friend.
    I do recommend you to go out there and get in touch with those children and be told straight in your face the answers you fail to see or know, but I do think it is your way of coping..... hiding truths such as this one not to find any motives to change your plans.

    By the way, your ex's family will never in no way replace nor fill the hole your disapearing would do to them.

    Here I can understand how you must have felt yet you are holding a grudge which lead me to believe that somehow there is a little part in you hurting that wants revenge somehow (not to the lengt of hurting them on purpose but a sense of getting back at it seems).

    Does the idea that the mother has choosen and imposed this change of schedule? Or perhaps that the Grandfather has made such a fuss that the kids' mother couldn't refuse put to the wall? Mental or psicologival (affectional) black mail..... too common from oldies (no offence to anyone).
    Perhaps this visit was long programed and were looking forward to seeing him so felt divided and thorn from two sides (you and him therefore who to choose when it comes to two people we love? is there a price for being chosen or not? childish reaction yet do recognize the pain from deception Joe. I do not lower nor diminish nor ignore the pain hurting and so on that you have been put through... but you must be honest with me here.

    you have resentment towards all.... your kids, your ex and her father for ruining an important event that meant alot to you.

    I have no doubt about this. You seem to be a father that dedicates himself to the happiness of his children, their care and more. Now do you wish to teach them that in life, between two love one must choose you over else?
    I do not know their age so hardly can comment further but should they be of age that they can communicate their desires, needs, wantings, emotions etc... then a little talk is in order Joe. Or give it as an household or family homework to do by writing. Write down simple questions to find out how they do feel...... do it as well so that each can have something to compare and get to know you, daddy, not only the provider of xyz.

    From an adult point of view it is to your honour yet cant expect children to understand those sacrifices, negation etc that you had to do in order to provide, give, offer and more to them.

    Too often the parent that has not got the custody tends to try by all means to fill up the missed tme and occasions by spoiling children instead of establishing real deep and honest relationship with them.


    So on one hand I have in front of me a man that has seen to the welfare of his children. That says alot on the type of father you are and how serious your obligations were taken....... and gone out of your way to provide beyond necessary to make them happy yet have you provided for them to know who is that man? A human being or an open wallet? I wish you to reflect on this hun. It is not meant as a judgement but a constatation from what you have written so far. There is still time for you to do it..... should you choose to remain and raise those children for which you so proudly say to have seen to all their needs..wantings.. welfare and so on. Now all you are telling me is that you dont care anymore about them, that you want out just like that with a snap of the fingers? How am I to interpret this?

    Lets be honest here Joe. You didn't do all this and fought to get custody for reason such as your duty towards them. There was and still is something else no?

    Ok enough about those kdis. Lestes see into the IRS thng. Had to look up what those three letter meant ufffffff taxes. Ok you evaded paying taxes and now you find yourself with your shoulders to the wall. Big deal. If you own something, they will first go after that yet must not take all as what is strickly necessary in the house cant be touched, if your car is your work (sellsman for example) it cant be touched either.... there are manyhtings you can find out they can or cant do..... you can also make an agreement for payment with them (BEFORE they come down on you tough.).

    so go to a gov. site and check it out, call up their office and anonymously ask what options are available for you as you want to clean that yet impossibility to do it in a lump sum. No ned to tell ehre you live or who you are... you want info. Also an attorney that deals with gov. issues (taxes) or deals with money issues can also make arrangments in your name with them. See solutions exist, up to you to use them or else.

    I know laws are different from a country to anohter but humanity is everywhere and means to mediate as well.

    so as far as i am concerned both issues have possibility to be mended....

    p.s. wrong timing as the net is slow that i keep rewriting an answer here and arguing with relatives for my being here instead of the bed. (cant make them all happy right) ufffffffff cant see how it comes out so hopefully i wont regret sending this :sad:
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2007
  11. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Will the IRS people still be able to get to you there? Maybe do some research into that as well as everything Endinday said. That (the Europe thing) can be a last resort if you really do need to "get away".

    Even if you don't think your kids will miss you, they will probably wonder for the rest of their lives if there was anything they could have done to stop you or help you.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2007
  12. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    true Joe..... they will wonder what has happended to you.. why you left and why you didn't take them with you..... will think they were not love, wanted by you..... if you disapear ...... have you thought throughly about all that might pass in their little heads and how later in teens-young adulthood they will become not being to come to term with this issue? you are going to destroy their lives.... so as there are possibilites to fix things up, do it..give it a try, anything is worth if it is to stay alive and unified to your family. they are young innocent victims hun, dont put all the load on their shoulders without expecting them to crumble so fight, you have an aim..... them and yourself together. later they will thank you for it..... once adult with maturity of life to realize and understand all that went on earlier in their lives..... till then protect them and see to their well balanced minds and hearts.

    have you got and read my pms?

    am here whenever you want Joe, call on me in private will you. i care hun and will be there for you if you accept my offer.

    i mean it Joe OK

    take care hun xx

    p.s.did i say somthing about running away? dont recall that.... omg! scares me now
    Last edited: Nov 24, 2007
  13. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    I hope that answered most of your questions.
  14. xighsequite

    xighsequite Active Member

    Yes, I am too young to have seen any good classic movies.

    It's unfortunate; truly good movies are 1 in 1000 nowadays. Movies aren't absolutely necessary for survival, but anything that can distract you for 1 - 3 hours is nice, in my opinion.

    If you're still around, I'd like to talk to you privately - about nothing in particular, I just need to learn some things about you before I'm qualified to judge your situation, and perhaps help you.



    "Nobody Knows" is a wonderful movie. Set in Japan, about four kids without a dad and whose mom left them to fend for themselves.

    If you need help realizing how many people in the world are in pain, but find reasons to live anyway, I suggest enlightening yourself of other cultures. All you need may be a new perspective, and this is one way to attain one.
  15. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    Just about said 'well done or well said', but you have made the biggest mistake humankind can do.............and that is.......................

    that once you know some more you'll be qualified to JUDGE? beam me up scotty!!!!! alien life form found on the site!!

    NONE but NONE is allowed nor has His mighty permission to do His 'job' in judging mankind hun......... not the most kind heart on earth...... man is bound to fail and make mistakes both in doing and understanding even with 200% full proof.

    What's with you people???????'' judging??????????? i dont know myself enough to even judge myself let alone another person hun.

    outta here temp. is raising fast.... geezz judging :rolleyes:
    what's next now? will read on a post someone that has the power to condemn and execute too? grrrrrrrrrrr :sad:
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2007
  16. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    Yeah, humans are way too imperfect to be judging anybody, but I doubt xighsequite really meant judging... as in like a judge. Probably more something like getting a perspective on the situation or something like that. :)
  17. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    sorry hun but some words can have an impact on others and 'to judge' can trigger something in someone ...... not going to get into explanation but you got my point.

    well i guess it did trigger someting in me too today oopsssss sorry, over reacted but no regret in that... if only to call others to be more careful at their choice of words.

    hugs to you all
    granny xx
  18. JoeClay

    JoeClay Member

    I am not offended by the word "judge."
    I understand the poster wanted more information to help, not disparage me.
    Please, ask away.
  19. xighsequite

    xighsequite Active Member

    I'm sorry Endinday; though I didn't believe it would offend him, I hadn't considered anyone else having a negative reaction to that word. I do have an abnormal fixation on semantics, so I use words' literal meanings, usually without consideration of how they may be interpreted.

    By 'judge', I meant understand. I can't understand his situation without having more information. And I apologize for not responding sooner - I've been without a computer for a few days.

    I'll resume this exchange privately to avoid inadvertently offending anyone.
  20. nedflanders

    nedflanders Well-Known Member

    Sorry, but bankruptcy does not wipe out debts to the IRS.

    The IRS is often willing to make settlements for partial payment, or full payment spread out over several years. You'd be best off hiring an accountant who's dealt with this kind of situation before, since knowing who to talk to at the IRS can make a world of difference.

    Of course, the accountant would expect to be paid too, and it sounds like you've had to blow through a lot of money lately. I don't have a solution for that.

    Regarding the original poster's being slighted on Fathers Day: Grab a straw and suck it up. Fathers Day is just an invention of the greeting card people. Ignoring you on your birthday or Thanksgiving might sting a bit more. But Fathers Day? Come on. I bet they didn't call on Kwanzaa, either.
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