Hi everyone. I came across this site when doing a google search for suicide forums. I'm a 39 year old female and I separated from my husband in February this year. I have depression and anxiety and have been battling it for the past four years or so. When I look back now, I think that I have had depression since I was a teenager - I just didn't realise it. I've had a breakdown of some kind and I'm finding increasingly difficult to function each day. I've been having suicidal thoughts for some time now and they've been pretty strong over the last couple of days. Over the last four years I have had a lot of admissions to my local mental health unit, all of which I have no recollection of. Not sure if that's a good thing or not. My depression started when I was working - I'm a teacher. I took 6 months off work to get sorted and during this time things just fell apart. I was sexually abused as a child and all of a sudden I couldn't cope with this information (and I still can't). I began having flashbacks and nightmares and began self harming. Each time my husband or mental health worker took the knife off me I would go out and buy another one. I haven't cut for about 3 months now which is the longest I have gone without cutting in the last 4 years. There is so much more to share but I am feeling very drained right now. I'm looking forward to communicating with people who have experienced what I have experienced and understand what it feels like.