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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by LessThanZero, Nov 11, 2012.

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  1. LessThanZero

    LessThanZero New Member

    I've had suicidal ideation all of my life since about the age of 13 or 14. Have been in a mental hospital once for 3.5 weeks, now I'm on a bunch of medicine (not before being exploited sexually by my Psychologist while on the wrong meds).

    I can't seem to find life in life anymore, and boy did I have a great, fun life before all this deep depression started. When I was younger it would come and go, but I remember not wanting to be alive anymore; just wanting to be dead . . . a lot.

    Now it's that I have my special needs cats (4) that I'm caring for that are the only thing keeping me alive. I have no desire to be here but for them.

    So much has happened in my life between severe abuse and neglect, kicked out constantly from a young age to being raped 3 times - once with a knife and the exploitation by the Psychologist; joining 2 cults... my mind is just dust. I've gained 98 pounds since 2005 and probably 20 in the last 2 months. I'm on a lot of meds that I'd like to be off of, or at least be on weight loss anti-depressants.

    Anyways, I guess that's enough for now. As you can read, my thoughts are a bit jumbled. I'm not "There" yet - not in the planning stage as I was once before (hence, the hospital), well, when my cats expire, I'll have a plan then.

    I am SO tired and I know a lot of you are, too and I empathize and sympathize with the feelings of hopelesness and helplesness.

    Peace to all,

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...although things have been awful for you, I admire that you keep getting help and trying to make it...that is very brave and resourceful...I was very lost, myself, and after an illness, feel that way again, so I can surely relate to what you have written...I am so glad you posted and I hope you will continue to do will be surprised how many people can relate to what you have said...welcome again
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HI hun i am sorry you past is so full of pain hun. I too can relate to being so tired the struggle to make it through each day I am glad you have you cats hun animals have a way of healing more so then humans at time. They just sense our pain You give them the care they need to survive and they give you the compassion and love the you have missed all your life. With regards to your antidepressants hun there ones that can cause weight loss ask your doctor ok no need to gain weight on these meds ask doctor to prescribe ones that help you to not gain so much It is good to see you reaching out for support here hun know you pm me anytime ok hugs
  4. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi honey, so glad you have reached out and have found SF :) We all try to help each other here, and it's a very supportive environment. So sorry to hear about your experiences and how they have left you feeling. We try to find ways of re-kindling hope, and strength - and certainly, having the support of peers who feel the same does help us not feel so alone. Write about anything you wish and there will be someone here who can relate. It's lovely to read that you are looking after some special needs cats :) We have to be gentle with ourselves when it's time to rebuild our mind from abuse. Abuse leaves behind stuff that needs to be replaced mentally - and doing the journey is very positive. Hope to be able to lend a hand, if you'd like - I've had a lot of rebuilding to do myself, and having someone around does help :)
  5. TJ

    TJ Staff Alumni

    Firstly :welcome: to SF , theres alot on offer here from the forums to the chat room and lots of support .
    i hope that u can find support here and that you can get thru this rough patch ... im in chat alot so if u ever need to chat come on in or you can PM me
    the only reason im hanging on at the moment is my cat so i can relate to you there
    even tho you are new here , you are now apart of the SF family so welcome and i hope that we can help

  6. Intrepid

    Intrepid New Member

    Hi LessthanZero,

    I'm new here too. I hope we can both find the support we need.

    Intrepid x
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