New here.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Unknown123, Dec 2, 2012.

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  1. Unknown123

    Unknown123 New Member

    I'm not quite sure what goes on here yet, but I'll state a few words I suppose.

    I've been dealing with mild depression for years. But it was definitely nothing to be concerned about. That all changed when I had my daughter, who is now nearly 10 months old, I would bawl randomly for no reason, or for the dumbest reasons. I got put on medication and was okay for a little while, but just recently it started up again.
    I know it is selfish when I have a child. But I can't stop from just wanting to stop living. Suicide is almost always on my mind now. I feel so disconnected from my daughter which in turn makes me feel like a terrible parent, which leads to me just being even more upset.
    My fiance has good intentions, sometimes when he is feeling stubborn or angry I just can't make him understand that how I am feeling has nothing to do with him and I just need someone to be there for me.
    My friends stopped talking to me pretty much when I got pregnant and my fiance and daughter are pretty much all I have now.
    It has been made clear to me by several people that my thinkings of suicide are either stupid, disgusting, or selfish. I would never wish the pain I feel upon other people, I just wish they understood.
  2. exkend

    exkend Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that you in such a terrible place. Depression and suicide are subjects that most people haven't got a clue about and are afraid to discuss due to a variety of reasons such as, stigmatization, fear and ignorance. Your fiance as well intentioned as he maybe cannot help you, due to his lack of understanding of your depression/pain. You need to see a professional, a psychotherpaist or other mental health carer, you might need to readjust your medication again. One more thing is that clearly isolation is damaging you and your relationships, join classes, do whatever you can to be with or around people. Make sure you don't stop asking for help, let people know what your going through.
    I sincerely wish you all the best.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    You are not selfish or terrible or anything for feeling the way you do. Sometimes things can become too overwhelming, and this site is a good place to start when you need to reach out. It seems that people in your life don't understand how you are feeling, but we will listen to you here, because lots of people here are going through similar issues. Feel free to post whatever you're feeling here, and people will always be around to help.
  4. anibarry121

    anibarry121 Member

    I'm new here too. they have been trying to talk to to me. I have three children although two have already moved out. I've lived my entire life feeling lost and not "at home: like there;s a place I should be but can't find and as such keep making stupid mistakes in hope that this is finally the way.nothing works, I go with the flow, what is supposed to be done. protocol and all that. Yet I am never quite there, I just want to maybe join a "commune"or convent where i just help others. Might make my life meaningful. I don't know. Lately i just cry and am ready to give up. and nobody here understands
  5. listless

    listless Banned Member

    Hi Unknown123,

    perhaps you have post-partum depression? You should analyze your feelings and what triggers them-what is it about your life that has made you feel suicidal? Perhaps you'd like to share that. I know what my issues are and it makes it easier to cope with it.
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