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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by darkdays, Aug 11, 2013.

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  1. darkdays

    darkdays Active Member

    Hi everyone. I have been emotionally and mentally unstable since JAN. 18TH. On April 11th I succeeded in killing myself but was brought back by the ER doctor-for whom I feel nothing but resentment. One of the things that has kept me going since then is the fact that I have simply been too busy to get myself into the intense frame of mind that would be necessary to repeat my performance of April 11th. My wife fell off a friends porch April 21st and broke her right leg in 3 places. We lived in an upstairs apartment at the time and so I had to pack a 2 bedroom apt. full of nearly 7 years accumulation of stuff by myself. My wife got out of the hospital May 1st and because I hadn't yet found a suitable, wheelchair accessible apt. we stayed in a motel until May 14th when we moved into our new location with a ton of help. From May 1st on I have been taking care of my wife, but now she seldom needs the wheelchair and is able to fend for herself more, which is bringing back my old problem: more leisure time, and as all of you probably know already leisure time means more time to think about things and that combined with emotional problems is not a good combination. So, although I have been somewhat suicidal and having thoughts of self-harm ( I am a cutter ) all along, now those thoughts are becoming stronger. I joined suicide forum for two reasons: the first is to get help from people who have actually been through it themselves, and the second is that I thought I might be able to help someone else who is going through a rough time, thus also helping myself at the same time. Thanks for reading.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    HI darkdays sorry to hear about your struggles hun and about your wifes fall You hun stay here ok talk away and help others it does help to release some of those thoughts here
  3. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi there - welcome to SF.

    Have you considered therapy? That can often help with emotional instabilities - and some mental - with some other mental instabilities being recommended for seeking doctor advice.

    Here you will get support (pending where you open up/what you say) - and there is also a chat-room for real-time interactions.
  4. darkdays

    darkdays Active Member

    Thank you both. I am in therapy, have been for years. I finally have a counselor who is worth the paper her diploma is printed on. We are working on therapy to treat several disorders, the main two being schizoaffective disorder and ocd. Can't remember the other at the moment. Oh well. As for doctors, I haven't seen an honest to goodness psychiatrist since around 2007, (except when I'm in the hospital) just nurse practitioners since then, who have actually been quite good, but it's hard to get in at the clinic I'm at now. Next appointment's not till October. I could get in to see another one here but I saw Him once already and the jerk told me ( after listening to my problem-deathwish-) that my problem was existential and he couldn't help me. Not exactly what you want to hear from a doctor. And the clinic I'm at is the only one my insurance will cover.
  5. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Just like counselor took a while - there could be the possibility that the doctors/psychiatrists could take a while to find the right one too.

    At least you're still fighting the tide of the disorders - (excuse the pun with my username lol) - And there's still the chance to get something out of life.
  6. Hi A/all! I'm new here too, I'm Angela in Houston! I'm mentally ill and been since 2008
  7. Army Wife

    Army Wife Member

    Hi and welcome to the forum! :hug: I'm so sorry you and your wife are having so many struggles. I am glad you are in therapy. :) I hope it works and I hope you like it here and you find people to talk to on the forum. :)
  8. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi darkdays. What a story. Of pain and of progress. I am so glad you are here. Glad you are in therapy now and finally getting some good help. You said that you are here: "to get help from people who have actually been through it themselves, and the second is that I thought I might be able to help someone else who is going through a rough time, thus also helping myself at the same time."

    Great !!!!! I think this is a great community in which to share your needs and gifts. I find that the very most important way to help is to really let someone know they are honestly heard. I call it witnessing where they are at. Sometimes people have never had that in their entire life. What a gift to offer.

    I am so glad to read that you have some good irl support. And that now you have found us.
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