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New Here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Damaged_Goods, Oct 19, 2015.

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  1. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    Hi everyone,

    I found this site this morning after suffering a severe "crash" for the past three days. See, I have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, severe recurrent major depression, anxiety, and PTSD<< as you can see, I'm the picture of mental health. lol. Although I have been hospitalized repeatedly over the last five years and been on numerous meds in the past, my illnesses are currently untreated because I am broke as a joke and have no medical insurance. I just reapplied for social security disability- AGAIN, after being turned down in December.

    Almost every single day I wake up to extreme anxiety that is so bad I frequently throw up. Even simple things like going through the mail overwhelm me, and the smallest criticisms send me over the edge. When I crash, I lock myself in my bedroom- sometimes for days at a time- which is what I did over the weekend. I become suicidal, I self harm, I'm just a mess. I've been reaching out to family members and friends, and even my husband, but nobody seems to really understand how to help, and I feel like I am a burden- which leaves me feeling guilty and humiliated.

    The medications I've tried in the past either don't have any effect, they have awful side effects, or they help some of my issues while making others worse. I'm just so frustrated and empty. I can feel myself getting significantly worse, and I hate that I put my loved ones through this. There's a lot more to my story, but those are the basic details of who I am and what I'm feeling.
  2. robroy

    robroy Well-Known Member

    Hey there and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry your suffering through so much but you've at least come to a good place. Everyone here at least understands the urge to the die and there are a lot of peolple here who also suffer from mental illnesses who will understand what your going through and be able to offer some support.
  3. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    Thanks robroy. It means a lot to know that there are people here who understand.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the fourm, thanks for taking the time to share your story with is, you never mentioned if you had ever tried counselling or psychotherapy? It could help you a lot. If I were you i'd look into it, are all of those diagnosis's formal ones? I hope you have a good experience here at this very friendly and supportive forum <3
  5. Damaged_Goods

    Damaged_Goods Well-Known Member

    Thank you for welcoming me. Actually, each time I was dismissed from the hospital I underwent what was referred to as "partial hospital" (for anywhere from a few days to a couple of weeks) which in intensive outpatient therapy with the entire day dedicated to support groups, art therapy, individual counseling and education. Aside from that, I was in individual counseling for about 4 years. I had to quit attending, though, because I lost my medical insurance and wow those therapists are expensive.

    Yes, unfortunately, all of my illnesses were formally diagnosed. In the beginning (about 15 years ago) I was simply diagnosed with depression, but as my condition worsened and I pursued further treatment, the other illnesses were diagnosed as well. I know that without treatment I'm just going to get worse, and I do take vitamins that are "supposed" to help and I try to do self-help activities on the better days, but right now I am so messed up that I can't even lose myself in my art- which has been one of the most helpful outlets for me.

    And I just wanted to add- everyone at SF has already shown me hospitality and made me feel very welcome. Thanks.
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Yes! You are right, therapy costs an arm and a leg, here in Ireland public therapy might as well not be there the waiting lists are so long and private therapy can cost anything from 50-100, 80 is about the normal rate, it seems extortionate. Counselling for 4 years must have helped some bit though? I am glad you are here and if you need anything at all don't hesitate to contact me! I will always listen.
    2 people like this.
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