Hi everyone, I found this site this morning after suffering a severe "crash" for the past three days. See, I have bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, severe recurrent major depression, anxiety, and PTSD<< as you can see, I'm the picture of mental health. lol. Although I have been hospitalized repeatedly over the last five years and been on numerous meds in the past, my illnesses are currently untreated because I am broke as a joke and have no medical insurance. I just reapplied for social security disability- AGAIN, after being turned down in December. Almost every single day I wake up to extreme anxiety that is so bad I frequently throw up. Even simple things like going through the mail overwhelm me, and the smallest criticisms send me over the edge. When I crash, I lock myself in my bedroom- sometimes for days at a time- which is what I did over the weekend. I become suicidal, I self harm, I'm just a mess. I've been reaching out to family members and friends, and even my husband, but nobody seems to really understand how to help, and I feel like I am a burden- which leaves me feeling guilty and humiliated. The medications I've tried in the past either don't have any effect, they have awful side effects, or they help some of my issues while making others worse. I'm just so frustrated and empty. I can feel myself getting significantly worse, and I hate that I put my loved ones through this. There's a lot more to my story, but those are the basic details of who I am and what I'm feeling.