New here

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by ashleyneedshope29, Aug 30, 2016.

  1. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    Hi my name is ashley and im new here. I honestly dont know what to say but i will. I have delt with seviere depression since i was a child I have many times wanted to take my life but something has always held me back from doing it. I take medication and it helps me I feel like if i stoped takeing my meds i wouldnt be here. I was hurt as a child both emotionaly physicaly and sexualy. My mother and stepfather have controlled me so sevierely for many many years that I cant continue in the situation that im in living with them The only option i see is on the streets. Thats something that ill just talk to my therapist and case manager for the thousand time.I apologize for rambling i just need to talk about what going on.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello @ashleyneedshope29 and welcome to sf :) I am glad you chose to join us here. I am sorry for all you have been through but you are far from alone, please talk to your CM and therapists and see if they have any solutions. Medication does help but the problem sare still there at the end of the day which is why therapy is crucial and so importtant, feel free to tell us more, how old are you?

    (big hugs to you)
     
  3. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    I totaly agree with you. Im 29 years old. I have been through so much and my living situation now is not health and its toxic. Ive talked to my therapist and case manager about leving because i can no longer tolorate my living situation.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi again Ashley, i'm 27, live at home too. This village is toxic to me so i know what you are going through, can you move out? maybe in a house share type situation? Keep working with the professionals and you will get through this :)
     
  5. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    Thank you i could but it would be on the streets though.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Are there no hostels where you are?
     
  7. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    no I live in a small town and where i live there are only motels not any hostels.
     
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    How far are you away from a city? They will surely have places available. Ask your therapist and CM. I'd love to help you more hun but obviously I can't only tell you to keep talking and working with the professionals and us, do they know you have suicidal thoughts?
     
  9. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. Do you have any family or friends that you can stay with?
     
    Petal likes this.
  10. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    no as i do not get along with my family. My therapist and case manager know that i have suicidal thoughts and they ask me if i have made plans and honesly i have made a will but i havent acted on it because id want to do it when im alone not saying i would but just sayin.
     
  11. Welcome to the forum, Ashley! I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Words seem inadequate to convey my care and concern for you. It’s good that you’re seeking out professional counseling. I just said a prayer for you and I hope that God will provide the comfort and help you need at this time. Sending you hugs!
     
  12. KateiVonne

    KateiVonne New Member

    I grew up in the same situation... My parents were controlling religius fanatics. I went to foster care several times and kicked or of high school before getting an attorney and removing myself to a group home.I was utterly alone but free! After my first child was born I began realize how truly alone in the world I am...then I met the love of my life! I met his family and liked me! I finally had a family! Then things started going badly in our marriage and the first thing my husband did (knowing all of this) was to ruin that family tie by talking horribly about me behind my back... I've been devastated and hurt so deeply... today was scary day for me..and I'm unsure if I will make it through tomorrow. The agony of losing everyone that I had come top love again is almost mow than I can bare...maybe we can just try to make it one more day. .. you never know what tomorrow may bring...
     
  13. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You do not need to be on the streets. At 29 you can either find work or if unable to work due to medical reasons get SSI - and lot's of other help from social services that you do not qualify for right now because you are fully supported by parents. The issue is when living in somebody's house - particularly past the age of 18 when they are obligated to support you, you are basically agreeing to any rule sthey have as a condition or payment. The acceptance of whatever rules is your "payment" and aso long as it does nto equate physical abuse there is seldom anything to be done about it.

    Talk to your social worker seriously about the types of help you would qualify for on your own and how to get things set up to get that help, as well as how to get on a low income housing list. The list may be long but at 29 you vcould have waited through a 2 years list 5x over by now- so it is worth the effort of getting ion the list and letting it progress. If your personal social worker blows off your request for info and says you already have a place to stay then call somebody else at social services until you find somebody to help.
     
  14. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    Ive been trying to get on ssi for a couple years now. I have been emotional abused for years by my mother and stepfather and im telling you if things keep going the way they are I will leave and i dont care if im on the streets period. I cant even tell you the things they have done into words because its hard for me to get it out that way.
     
  15. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Ashley,

    I can only relate to you because I was abused growing up too. It was physical, emotional and sexual. I left "home" at 17 and took any job I could find to pay the rent. I lived in a buggy basement, one room, very loud, but it was my own. The abuse continued as I was an adult, any time I went back to that house or spoke to any family member and I disowned them all finally about twelve years ago. It took me a long time to get on my feet because I was undiagnosed at the time and going through hell.

    I recently have been going through emotional abuse with my bf. I know how devastating it is. I also know when you are fully aware you're stuck in your situation. All I can say is that someone gave me advice that I took. I detached from it. It was hard, but I had to stop letting it get to me because I knew that I couldn't leave...yet. I also restarted taking anti-depressants and started to do more things on my own that don't involve him. Independence builds confidence. When the emotional abuse starts, I either walk away or tune out then agree with everything he says. I shut it out now. For me, it's working. Maybe do some research on emotional abuse and detaching. Gain some knowledge so you can put some ideas into practice. At least that can keep you sane until you find a way to move out on your own.

    Take care,
    Frances
     
  16. ashleyneedshope29

    ashleyneedshope29 Active Member

    thank you frances that was verry helpful.
     
    Frances M likes this.