I thought alot about posting here, as it's difficult for me to both talk and type. I suffer from debilitating chronic pain and have had no real help in dealing with it. I am an older person so feel like my life is not really worht much to anyone and I've had these disorders for my whole adult life. It has taken so much from me and its difficult getting through each day now. I've tried asking for help but peopel are very condesending and do more harm than good. Now I'm not only suicidal but very angry as well. i find it difficult to get treatment because of the pain in the first place. I have head pain constantly because my blood pressure wil not regulate itself (dysautonomia) and I also have a autoimunne disorder (systemic sclerosis). Just typing this is a struggle. I am very educated and yet have no money and not much time to myself een though I'm left alone for most of the day. I dream of having friends and a place I can really call home and time to have hobbies and read. but I dream abotu ending all of this too. Most of what I'd like to share would prbably not be apprpriate. I've learned my lesson not too share things with *anyone*. I beleive I didn't get proper medical help becasue I don't make enough money, can't get around, and would rather focus on the mental side and not the pain that is actually causing all this.