i'm 19, i dropped out of school, i have no job. i smoke weed and drink every day and night, and if i'm not doing that, i'm sleeping or wasting my time watching too much tv. the only time i have gone out in the past 5 months is to meet up with friends and get fucked up. i do have a gf, she's very nice and caring, but i feel our relationship deterierating. we lost our virginities together so i don't want to lose her, but i get paranoid she's cheating on me (which led me to do a few stupid things myself). i want to go out and get a job but i always feel like shit. i try to hide it from my friends by talking about bullshit but i'm getting sick of putting on an act. i've failed at everything i've ever tried in my life too, by the way. and i'm a bad son. why is it so easy to get depressed, yet u have to try to be happy? i'm so fucking sick of it.