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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by artikchill, Mar 14, 2009.

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  1. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    Hello every one,

    I don't know what to say really so I'll just start.

    I've been suicidal for about 4 months now due to the fact I'm going through the hardest time in my life at this point. Just to explain:

    I lost my job
    Lost my car
    My ex took my son after 4 years and disappeared out of my life.

    I've been through a lot but the hardest was losing my son and my true love. I've tried to kill myself several times but keep getting saved after each attempt, for what reason I don't know.

    I finally came to reality after so long to realize that I truly loved my ex but it was to late due to things in the past between us... I just can't seem to go on or find a way to get of this state. Every time I hear, see or have something that reminds me of her, it just brings back memories and I just want to end it all.

    I know people have said this before but I've went through life making mistakes every wheres I go and I'm tired of making mistakes. I'm tired of losing things that are close to me or that are important.... I just feel that if I end it all it'll end my pain.
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey James,
    It's always tough loosing someone..My exwife did the same to me. She was smart enough to leave the state before our divorce was final. If she would have waited until after the divorce She wouldn't have been able to take my daughter away.
    When your child gets old enough he/she will want to see her dad..It takes time..My daughter always stays in contact with me. She finally moved back here last year on the other side of the state but at least I get to see her and my grandaughter everynow and then. She told me when she was here for my birthday that once her lease is up that they are going to move back over here..
    I can't tell you that you will forget your ex because after twenty five years I still think about mine from time to time..You can get past this. Why don't you see a therapist they can teach you coping skills to get by on..I have been seeing mine for three years and she is great!!Take Care!!
  3. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply. Never really thought about having children till it happened and when it did and then they disappear, it turns out to be the worse feeling in the word and the most painful, to a point that you having nothing left to give or know what to do but to try to end it all... I know it'll be ok but you still have those thoughts about what could've changed or what could've been different.
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi James and welcome to the forum. I too was always quite ambivalent about having kids but when my daughter was born it was the best thing ever. She is 10 now and since the age of 5 her mother has only let me see her for a couple of hours on her b/day and the same at christmas. Losing access to her all but destroyed me. If you need to talk pm me anytime or my contact details are in my profile. I know just how it feels to have your child taken away. Best wishes, Simon.
  5. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi...i am glad you reached out here. i have 2 children, and i am lucky that their dad and myself are very great friends...and we co-parent, though we are divorced.

    i am so sorry about what you've gone through. and are still going through. i cannot imagine losing my children....being away from them temporarily is hard enough.

    there are legal avenues you can approach. you have rights as a father. and there are legal aid services available in the united states - not sure where you are.

    please lean on us while you work your way through this tough time. you must stay alive and re-build your life - in order to find your child.
    your son needs you - you need to find him and be his dad. and this will be very hard to accomplish given the circumstances but you can do it. you can never be replaced....he needs you to show him how to be a man.
    pm if you want to talk xxxx :console:
  6. artikchill

    artikchill Well-Known Member

    It's the hardest thing in the world to lose some one that you watched get born. It's hard knowing that you lost both of the people you love and you can eat, sleep, and you throw up every morning when you get up. On top of that it leads to deep depression. I've been battling to for some time and man is it ever so hard.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2009
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