Well I am new, where to start...having thoughts of suicide and this is not like me. If I told you about my life you would wonder why. I wonder that too. But the thoughts are persistent and they are...seductive. Strange word. It feels like I am just tired all the time of struggling with the world. I feel like all of the good "firsts" in life are gone or are never going to happen, all that is left is the bad kinds of "firsts". I hate this and feel like I should be asking what I can add to this life rather than take from it. But the thoughts are coming more often and I don't feel like I can tell anyone without scaring them. I hope to talk here to people who may understand.