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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ash187, Dec 21, 2009.

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  1. ash187

    ash187 Member

    im ash ,26 ,live in uk ,been having suicidal thoughts for years but there getting more frequent now,im not very good at putting my feelings into words just no i have days were i have suicidal thoughts and very negative thinking,find it hard to stay possitive ,feel like im not in control of my life sometimes,upbringing has been fine ,always been quite shy though especially around women,i got mixed up with drugs when i was younger ,lead to a kind of social anxiety which cut me off from the world and gave me alot of depression , not sure if this was the drugs that caused the sa or just an underlying problem thats always been there,had councelling,been on different types of anti-depressants,been in a couple of relationships in which ive met women through friends but have never approached anyone myself ,just have no confidence in that situation,not sure if all thes suicidal thinking is caused by feeling lonely but think it has alot to do with it,days are just all the same,dont feel like im living feels very dull and negative,just here existing waking up everyday,i have ok days then realy bad days with horrible feelings that i cant put into words ,jus feel bad inside and need an escape,i feel guilty too with thinking the things i think ,ther are ppl in alot worse situations than me, i feel i shouldnt moan but just cant help how i feel.
    thought id introduce myself anyway ,would be good to maybe talk/chat if anyone would like to chat about anything im on msn . ash
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    hi there and welcome to the forum. i think you will find this a great place to share, and i hope with sharing comes some relief of those negative feelings. take care
  3. Android

    Android Well-Known Member

    Don't feel guilty. I understand how you feel and I know it's hard not to, but depression is depression. There isn't a level set for everyone where they're "miserable" or "suck it up and deal with it". Find something that makes you even a little bit happy and do it. That's the only thing keeping me sane.
  4. bubblin girl

    bubblin girl Well-Known Member

    how are you?
    welcome to SF...many people would love to talk to many people are like deperessed too...and please dont feel guilty its depression not you who you should blam...
    take care :hug:
  5. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, you can find support here, you'll be surprised at how many people can actually relate to you.
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the forum
  7. orangejulius

    orangejulius Well-Known Member

    I know that guilty feeling. It sounds like you are really similar to other on this board. In fact, I feel I'm in an extremely similar situation to you. We're both similar in age, we were both raised well enough, but we're shy and lack confidence. And we both feel disconnected from life and that it's out of control.

    Do you have very many close friends? Like ones you see quite a bit? I discovered that was my problem. My friends are all to busy for me now. For me, my depression is centered around lonelyness.

    My best guess is that lonelyness is why you feel depressed too. Do you think you lack the initiative to make more friends? Have your relationships brought you hapiness?

    Please let us know... I hope I can help, although I know I'm not as experienced as others around here.
  8. ash187

    ash187 Member

    thanks for the comments and warm welcome from everyone!
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2009
  9. ash187

    ash187 Member

    hi orangejulius,yeah i do have about 3 close friends but i dont see them alot now as they all have families and have settled ,still talk over phone and stuff but they have there own lives,with the making new friends ,i just dont have the go in me to make friends it takes me ages to be myself because i feel people wont like the real me,i probably seem stuck up to some people as im just really shy ,especially with girls just freeze up and go blank .the couple of relationships ive had havent lasted long,longest was around a year ive met a few other ppl on the net but never goes down the correct path,just meeting for the sake of meeting cus im lonely so that never works out,the last realtionship i had was good to start with but ended quite bad and has put me off in some ways but yeah i was definately happier,its nice to focus on someone else for a change instead of myself ,when your single you feel like somethings missing in life and your searching for it and your not complete,thats how i feel anyway.
  10. ash187

    ash187 Member

    i have improved alot over the last few years but im worried im slipping back and will end up back at rock bottom,i still feel like i lack social skills,and if you lack social skills it just makes life ten times as hard,
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