New here..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by uselessdesires, Jul 17, 2011.

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  1. uselessdesires

    uselessdesires New Member

    Hey all,

    Just wanted to introduce myself. I am new here and this is my first post.
    I'm glad I've found a place where I can talk to other people openly about how I'm feeling..

    A little about me:

    26yo, Music student/restaurant worker, and currently living with my parents. Have been struggling with depression/suicidal feelings for a long time now. This is the first time I've actually admitted that to anyone but myself. For the longest time I've been able to hold all my feelings inside but lately the loneliness and isolation has become unbearable. I'm scared to talk to any friends/family about my problems because I don't want to burden them or have them think I am weak.

    I have tried tried everything I can think of (except talking) to try to cure myself of these feelings. Basically I have completely changed my lifestyle. Over the past year I have lost about 60lbs, quit smoking, stopped drinking alcohol/caffeine. I have managed to hold down a job (was unemployed for about a year) and have recently returned to school to finish my degree. After all these changes, I was very hopeful that my life would turn around. But I still continue to struggle with depression/suicidal feelings. In a way its almost gotten worse. At least when I was drinking I could drown out my feelings, but now I have to face them head on.

    I have become fairly isolated. All of my close friends live in different states. I spend the majority of my time alone. Lately I have been feeling very suicidal and its gotten to the point where I am starting to think of ways that I can end it all. I have stopped seeing the point in life. I don't feel like I have a purpose. I don't feel like I can relate to most people my age, especially since I have become sober. I don't feel like I fit in. The only goal/dream I have is to finish school and then move somewhere completely new - far away from here. Its really the only thing that keeps me going each day, but lately I'm even starting to lose sight of that. I just want to disappear. I've really had it. Life has become a day to day endurance test.

    If I kill myself, I know I will ruin the lives of my family and friends. It makes me feel so guilty just considering it, but I don't know any other way
    out. The thought of ending it all is starting to sound more and more appealing..

    Thanks for listening,

  2. lancashirelass

    lancashirelass Well-Known Member

    Hi welcome to sf. You need to talk to a doc who will be able to refer you to someone. Hope you find this site helpful lots of nice ppl on here willing to listen :hug:
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Mike been there where you are now and i know its hell. I am glad you are reaching out here as we do understand and we don't judge hun. I do hope you can talk to your doctor thought medication has help me get out of that hole i was in sadness still remains some but not crippling like before Talking does help too therapist helps to get the sadness out open and deal with it. Keep talking here okay we are listening you are NOT alone now hugs
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