New here..

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by PoppyBow, Nov 12, 2011.

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  1. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Hello everyone.

    I am new here and found this place during a google search for people who I can talk to and relate to slightly.
    Depression has always been apart of my life for a very personal reason, and I have been seeing psychiatrists for it for years. Roughly starting around the age of 7.
    It got taken undercontrol; by myself, for the past few years and at 22 now, I thought I had managed to get rid of it. How wrong I was...

    This year has been terrible for negitive events, right when I was going back to a suicidal state, I found out my long term boyfriend had been cheating on me. As those of you have been hurt in that way, it sent me over the edge and I became the worst state mentally I have ever been in my life and I spent a month in a psychiatric hospital.
    I ended up checking myself out because I dont see myself as a "crazy person"; which is how I was treated. I wasn't even allowed to keep vitamin tablets in my room.
    During my stay there; I learnt a lot about myself. The first being even though psychiatric hospitals have a bad image; and believe me I wondered what I had got myself into quite a lot. I met some really intelligent and the most interesting people I have ever met in my life.
    But I also realized I am not meant to be there. I was so upset and confined to this hospital that all I could do was read, cry and smoke like a chimney. Before I entered I wasn't even a smoker, but the only freedom I got was to sit outside and smoke.

    Four months later, I am still very upset but don't tell anyone. I also still miss my ex massively. Very hurt from the way I was treated, but I think about him and even his family, everyday. They were a big part of my life for 2 years.

    Tonight, for whatever reason, I have felt worse. And I have no body who I can talk to and get some understanding from. Hopefully I will find that on here :eek:)
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and is understandable that you feel so injured by the way your ex treated you...and it seems, his family was your family, so that was another loss...know that what was done to you does not reflect you as a was his shame...please continue to post and let us know what is going on for you...welcome again
  3. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Thank you :eek:)
    And you are right; his family did become my family. I had known him for a lot longer than the time we became "properly" in a relationship, and his mum especially became very close with me.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so unfortunate that people cannot respect other's pain...I think it is because they cannot deal with their own...please know that if this was not cyber, I would give you that real hugs you deserve...please keep posting as there are many people here who know how to be caring
  5. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Thank you :)
  6. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Hey poppy,I can identify with the hospital bit big time. When I was 16yrs old I'd left school but was unable to work or leave the house due to mental abuse. My mother had me thrown in a mental hospital that had a really bad stigma when I was growing up,kids used to joke about it.I sometimes find it hard to believe,some girl who was covered in scabs from self harming following me around but not talking to me. People sitting there rocking backwards and forwards. I was only there a week but I can't forget the place,I used to think about that girl all the time and wonder what became of her.
    It is very difficult to move on when you've had your partners family take you under their wing and treat you like their own.I'm sorry I don't have any great advice with how to get over it. It's a cliche about time being a healer I know but bit by bit and day by day things will get a tiny bit easier to live with.I just try and face life just one day at a time,take care now
  7. Mirikun

    Mirikun Well-Known Member


    Oh dear, poor you. I think you've come to the right place though. There are lots of lovely people here and you can talk to us about anything. :)

    Hope you're alright, and keep posting!
  8. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Thank you Mark101,
    I am sure the girl recovered the best she could and is living a much happier life :)
    There was a few people like how you described at the hospital I was in, but I cannot believe how carefree the staff were at handing out tablets.
    On my first morning I had a nurse come into my room at around 8am asking me to come downstairs; when I did, everyone was lining up like cattle waiting for their cocktails of drugs. I refused to take mine as I had no idea what they were and I wasn't even on any prescriptive medication.

    Did you find a week was enough time for you?

    I didn't want to stay in as long as I did, but I grew a fear to leave the longer I stayed in there. In the hospital I was surrounded by people, and had regular meal times, and a sense of calm. I was scared to leave and have to face the real world. To go back home and see photos of happier times on my wall, to have to care for my pets, to go to work and act like nothing happened.
  9. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Thank you Mirikun :) I will keep posting :p
  10. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    I was frightened I'd never get out so I blackmailed my father. I told him if he didn't come and sign release papers I'd run away and no one would ever see me again.I guess it helped me that my father made me go live with him and he helped me find a job and stuff. Il never forget that place tho and there's been times in my later life when I wish I was back there. Like you say,get your meals,taken care of,no responsibilities. Sounds like heaven sometimes.
  11. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    It is no life being in a place like that though. That is what you need to remember :)
    One man I became friends with said he had lived there for 8 years. It's bad that he was unable to leave, but being in that type of environment for so long isn't good.
    In life you can find things that help boost your mood, even just a little bit. :)
  12. In a Lonely Place

    In a Lonely Place Well-Known Member

    Yeah 8yrs is rough,he probably won't be able to cope in society now. I just meant it would be ok for a break from real life from time to time.
  13. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    A 'break' here means sitting in a cold room with a nurse watching your every move in A&E.
  14. sadkitten

    sadkitten New Member

    Hi everybody,
    I am new to this site as well. I am on the couch watching netflix after calling off from work--again. I woke up the past two days wanting to die. i am too much of a coward to actually do something lethal but i want to self harm desperately for a release. I cry (hard) and it doesn't seem to help anymore. my body is looking for a new way of coping. The disgusting ideas I have on ways of relief are so scary sometimes. The ideas are becoming less and less meaningful, so now i am worried about what i might do :( I feel so alone in all of this
  15. texaskitty

    texaskitty SF Cat Lady Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Welcome poppybow!

    I am sorry you had such a bad experience in the hospital.

    I have been hospitalized many times, but the facility is a good one and I always had positive results. I am blessed in that way I suppose.

    Please do feel free to post here and let us get to know you.

    This place is very supportive and as you have already seen, people do understand where you are coming from.

    I hope you are feeling better.

  16. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Thank you Texaskitty :)
  17. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Welcome to SF. I am glad you chose to join us and find other systems of support to help you through the tough times.
  18. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    :welcome: at SF Poppy,

    I hope you'll find our community supporting and understanding. :)
  19. Constantinos

    Constantinos Well-Known Member

    Hello and welcome to the forums, we're all here to listen to you whenever you need.

    You are still visiting a therapist yes?

    Feel free to send me a PM if you need/want to.
  20. PoppyBow

    PoppyBow Member

    Thank you gentlelady & Isabel. :)
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