Hi everyone! I'm sure those who have been keeping up with me recently will be glad to read this.
Since Friday we've been moving house and it's been going great. The house is so much nicer than the old one, it's more modern and less falling to bits! The shower, the lights, they work properly (unlike the last house!) and it's gorgeous. The community seems so nice too.
Since then, some time last week, I was at my worst. I got to the point where I upset 3 people in a row, just at breaking point, no hope and wishing more than ever I was dead. I even prayed.
The next day, I sorted myself out so much. I saw the way I was treating people and I hated it. I hated me. And I felt like all of it was out of my control. So I've taken control.
I've set a routine for every day, making sure I exercise, I socialise, I work, I take care of myself, and I get some downtime.
I've got a few strategies for when I'm sad, rather than having people as my first and only outlet.
I've created a "positivity" board on social media to share something I like about myself or am proud of with close friends (and try to get them to join in, too).
I'm not quite eating healthier yet, the kitchen isn't quite ready to use, but I'm eating less to get myself back on track.
I've taken up all the little things I never did anymore - slightly grim, but brushing my teeth, showering DAILY, even brushing my hair at the end. I've made myself exercise and I've made a promise to be open about everything. I've also managed to draw myself back from the way people see me and judge me and focus on giving myself some love before I try and get it from others.
As suggested by my counsellor, I'm also trying to move my mindset about my dad from the way I saw him at 5, and the way I see him now. He's no monster; he's a pathetic old man. And he doesn't deserve any more of my thoughts. In the past I'd say that I had people around me to protect me, but now, I say I can protect myself. And I KNOW I can.
TLDR; I'm feeling really, really good. And I appreciate everyone who's been supportive of me.
Sending hugs
Em
Since Friday we've been moving house and it's been going great. The house is so much nicer than the old one, it's more modern and less falling to bits! The shower, the lights, they work properly (unlike the last house!) and it's gorgeous. The community seems so nice too.
Since then, some time last week, I was at my worst. I got to the point where I upset 3 people in a row, just at breaking point, no hope and wishing more than ever I was dead. I even prayed.
The next day, I sorted myself out so much. I saw the way I was treating people and I hated it. I hated me. And I felt like all of it was out of my control. So I've taken control.
I've set a routine for every day, making sure I exercise, I socialise, I work, I take care of myself, and I get some downtime.
I've got a few strategies for when I'm sad, rather than having people as my first and only outlet.
I've created a "positivity" board on social media to share something I like about myself or am proud of with close friends (and try to get them to join in, too).
I'm not quite eating healthier yet, the kitchen isn't quite ready to use, but I'm eating less to get myself back on track.
I've taken up all the little things I never did anymore - slightly grim, but brushing my teeth, showering DAILY, even brushing my hair at the end. I've made myself exercise and I've made a promise to be open about everything. I've also managed to draw myself back from the way people see me and judge me and focus on giving myself some love before I try and get it from others.
As suggested by my counsellor, I'm also trying to move my mindset about my dad from the way I saw him at 5, and the way I see him now. He's no monster; he's a pathetic old man. And he doesn't deserve any more of my thoughts. In the past I'd say that I had people around me to protect me, but now, I say I can protect myself. And I KNOW I can.
TLDR; I'm feeling really, really good. And I appreciate everyone who's been supportive of me.
Sending hugs
Em