New job and I feel so hopeless and alone

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Jay19, Mar 24, 2015.

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  1. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    I recently started a new job and it has put me way out of my comfort zone. I'm not handling it well as I am having all sorts of thoughts that I can't do the job and they will fire me etc.

    The problem with me is I care too much what people think of me so I get worried if people think negative of me i.e i'm stupid, lazy, inadequate. One instance is that I dont drive (anxiety too high in the car) yet I may be required to go out on site and accompany another team member on occasion doing surveys. I feel so worthless thinking about this as I imagine that people are talking behind my back saying how much of a burden I am that they have to go out of there way to pick me up, or that for a man his age why doesnt he drive? These thoughts coupled with the anxiety that I can't carry out simple office type duties has increased my suicidal thoughts as I dont know what to do.

    If I quit it will just be as bad as my family will want to know why and they are unaware of my anxiety disorders.
    I have no self belief within myself so I worry I cant do this job and that my work mates will think I cant do the job and wonder why I even got hired!

    I cant talk to anyone about this apart from on here so I really appreciate and replies I do get.

  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can talk to your regular doctor about this he or she cannot talk about your medical issues with anyone. Get on some anxiety meds which will help your mind to be all over the place
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    You sound very anxious, unsure of yourself and have low self esteem! I honestly think the best thing you can do is make those around you aware of what you are going through anxiety-wise(your family). I think even people that don't suffer anxiety would be nervous and anxious in a new job.

    I was asked if I drove at my college interview 2 weeks ago. I said no and felt kinda bad but I got a letter today saying I got accepted so I guess they didn't use it against me.

    What kind of work are you doing? I can only begin to imagine what you are going though. Anxiety is hell and the thoughts of having a panic attack in public are just as bad, I feel your pain. I really do! :hug:

    They hired you so you must be doing something right! Wish you all the luck in the world.
  4. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    Im currently on 200mg Sertraline and Risperdal. They do help but my anxiety is still very high.
  5. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    I work in a environmental consultancy firm and spoke to my boss today and he said that soon I will have to go out with another person and do some field work. Its quite messed up the situation as I interviewed for two jobs with them and I didnt want one of the jobs due to the fact I knew it involved driving so I lied and said I drive but was involved in a crash so nervous behind the wheel and not sure if I will go back to driving. I get the impression that they think I will be able to drive again soon but I cant see that happening.
    I cant tell my employer about what im going through, it will only trigger more thoughts about what people think of me and make things worse I feel.

    Congrats on getting into college!
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2015
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Thank you Jay, I appreciate it :)

    Nothing wrong with a little white lie for a job. You could always keep it up saying you are nervous about driving, they just might be very understanding! Or maybe we can turn a 360 and you get driving, are you actually nervous about driving? Maybe it is something you really will be able to do!
  7. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    This is the thing, although I didnt like telling the lie, it means I have a excuse if I tell them I cant drive, at least they know why in a way. I could keep it up for a while and hopefully they wont keep asking. Driving is not a big part of the job and I will be expected to go out on site with someone else anyway. I have this thing where I worry I am putting people out and/or bothering them so getting someone to drive me is a bit trigger. I think this is the source of my worry, I rarely ask for help at work for this very reason as i'm bothering them when they are busy.

    Well I want do drive, my OCD stops me as I feel i'm not in control and will cause a accident. I passed my test 2 years ago so I may start taking lessons again to refresh my skills and hopefully discover its not as scary as I imagine it to be! :)
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I think it would be an awesome idea to try and get over your fears and drive. Hopefully with professional help for the OCD/Anxiety that you will be able to move forward and not take a step back. Well done on passing your test.

    I am glad it's not a big part of your job so your mind can rest easy and assured that you won't get pressured if you are too frightened. Maybe give it some time, anyway congrats on the new job and I hope it all works out well!! :)
  9. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    Problem is although its not a big part of my job my mind will still be thinking about it all the time I reckon especially what my co-workers think of my situation. Learning to drive again may help but I know I will never be comfortable with driving so still be anxious behind the wheel so if I do tell them I can drive it will get rid of one worry and replaced with a new worry i.e driving and having a accident.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Ah, I see. So you feel kind of trapped either way. I just hope your new job works out for you. You seem like a nice person and deserve to be happy =)
  11. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    Yeah I feel trapped either way which sucks as I dont know which way is best to stick with or make it better.

    Thanks for your help Petal, I feel a little bit better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 24, 2015
  12. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    This driving thing is still lingering in my mind and consuming my entire day with worry. 'What do they think of me?' is my main thought.
    Why do I care so much what they think of me and if they think bad of me, is that justification to worry about it 24/7? I dont know how to reduce the anxiety surrounding it. I have thought about telling my boss that I wont be able to drive full stop but then I know the worry about what they think of me will still be there.
  13. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'm not too familiar with government services in the UK, but there is probably an office for disability services. You might be able to get some help finding work that is more compatible with your disability.
  14. ChestnutMay

    ChestnutMay Antiquities Friend

    I'm really sorry to hear how much difficulty this business of not driving is causing you. Is there any way you could gradually ease into it, by driving a little bit at a time in areas where there isn't much traffic? Maybe even start off in church or school parking lots off hours? What exactly are you worried about? The other drivers on the road or your own ability to handle the car?

    The other problem you have seems to be about worrying what people think of you.... There are plenty of reasons why people can't or don't drive, e.g. epilepsy and people rarely resent pitching in to help under such situations. No one needs to know why you aren't driving. However, it sounds as though you are not really imposing that much on anyone - you didn't mention anyone complaining about it. Of course no one likes to feel they are dependent on other people for driving. I am myself right now and I hate it. All I can do is try to do little favors for the person driving and offer to pay for gas and the occasional oil change.

    Good luck with this! It really might be worth taking a refresher drivers course.
  15. Jay19

    Jay19 Well-Known Member

    My fear is not being able to control other factors on the road i.e pedestrians & cars. I fear I will hit someone and/or another car. I feel it I was afraid to drive as I lack the ability then taking more lessons would alleviate that. However, as the fear is based on what I cant control I could believe I am the best driver in the world but I would still be anxious driving as I cant control everything else.

    Earlier in the thread I mentioned how I told a lie to my manager in that I had a accident and cant drive due to lack of confidence. I regret telling this to my manager as I believe he will think I may be back to driving once again. I think if I tell people I dont drive due to health reasons then that may be better as they are not expecting me to drive anytime soon.
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