New Job

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Death71, Mar 9, 2007.

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  1. Death71

    Death71 Guest

    I've posted on this forum quite a bit lately. Cut a long story short i've had depression last year for which i took medication, my on off relationship with the person I love for the last 3 years is now off as she's met someone else, and i'm absolutley devastated and can't get it out of my mind, this was about 3 weeks ago.

    Ok, I've not worked since January 2006, i've got a chance of a new job starting on Monday, moving to a different part of the country, nearer my ex and her new boyfriend/whatever. I'm crying every day, I go from rage, which is scarry, to total despair. Now I'm supposed to start this job on Monday and i haven't worked for ages, i just feel so much pressure. Plus I also feel what's the point, I'd been with this person since 2000 until we split in 2004 but we've been on and off since then, i'd never been with anyone since we split apart from her and neither had she, up until a few weeks ago.

    I don't want to live and at the same time I don't want to die, I just keep going around in circles. I love her so much and the thought of her being happy with someone else, as petty as that sounds, tears me up inside and I don't want to be on the planet to have to think about it. I've distracted myself with sports and everything I can think of, but it is always just a temporary solution.

    I'm really scared to be honest, because she's going to be with him this weekend, maybe just one day, maybe all of it, who knows but it's eating away at me. The 3 years we were on and off we always saw each other at least once every couple of weeks and phoned whenever we fancied. Now it's like please give me space to live my life, it's like the first breakup all over again but this time even worse. I'm scared because I don't know what i'm doing, I don't know what to do, sometimes i want to go and die, othertimes i don't, but all the time I am in emotional pain to some degree or other.

    I've spent the last 3 years in limbo, secretly hoping to get the relationship back, now she's gone. I want to go to really
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    What a contrast you have to deal with...new job which is potentially so good and renewed break-up which is so painful...I hope you let the good happen even though you are going through such a tough time...maybe there are ppl there for you to meet which will help you be less focused on the relationship...good luck with your new job and let us know how it goes...big hugs, Jackie
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Death, can so relate.My marriage ended at the end of September and the first month I felt like a walking dead person. The shock was so bad I could barely function. 5 months on I still have moments of rage, then sadness, right down to crying jags that can last for hours; but it is getting easier, the pain is lessening. Now I'm left with the sheer terror of going back to work(after nearly 10 years out) and working out how to do everything..for heaven sake I cant remember how to pay a bill!!!!
     
  4. Ensenada

    Ensenada Member

    i can sympathise with you mate. i was so happy before xmas. i was in love with my girlfriend of 10 years. she was 16 when i went out with her and I 20. I love her more than live. unfortunately over the past year she got new things in her life and began to change her attitude towards our wonderful relationship. Now its over....I am so unhappy. we will be friends and i will probably do things with her as friends. but the pain of losing her is unbearable. I wake up crying after dreaming about being in her arms or her playing with my hair like she used to. the silly ways we had. we had our own language. I cant understand hopw changes can pull us apart, but they did and do with others i guess.
    I think both you and I have to become someone else in a way. i need to be harder and stronger. i wish i could split myself like the character in fight club to forget the pain. this is the hardest thing i have lived through. i go to the gym a lot to help forget.
     
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