i found this forum from desperation and searching. it is one of my last efforts because i am becoming very weak now. i am male and 22 years old. i am severe depressed, hallucinatory and severe self mutilator from 13 years old. sexual and physical abuse victim, prescription pill abuse, other things. mental ward visits many times, suicide watch. for the previous 2 weeks i am very unhealthy and i think i will harm. i have not used a website before when i am going to harm, so i am trying now to maybe find help before doing that again. but i feel very sick right now. i dont talk well and my english is poor. but if someone wants to talk, i will answer the messages. i am use instant messages too. i do not know what talking will help me but but i want to say that i try to talk to someone this time ,before i do something bad. its not something i did before.. i speak english and japanese. if you cant read my english very well then i am sorry about it. goodbye.