new jp (japanese) user. feeling very ill and becoming thin..

i found this forum from desperation and searching. it is one of my last efforts because i am becoming very weak now.

i am male and 22 years old.

i am severe depressed, hallucinatory and severe self mutilator from 13 years old.
sexual and physical abuse victim, prescription pill abuse, other things. mental ward visits many times, suicide watch.

for the previous 2 weeks i am very unhealthy and i think i will harm. i have not used a website before when i am going to harm, so i am trying now to maybe find help before doing that again. but i feel very sick right now.

i dont talk well and my english is poor. but if someone wants to talk, i will answer the messages. i am use instant messages too.

i do not know what talking will help me but but i want to say that i try to talk to someone this time ,before i do something bad. its not something i did before..

i speak english and japanese. if you cant read my english very well then i am sorry about it.

goodbye.

 

Welcome to the forums, i want you to feel accepted in this community - i want to help you - imagine that you are in a tunnel, the tunnel is dark, its depressing, there is barely enough air BUT at the end of this tunnel there is light, you may not yet be able to see this light BUT as with every person you WILL see this light at the end of the tunnel - everything needs its time and patience - i know you have the power and strength to do this - don't give up - fight and you will achieve life, you will achieve to love and to be loved, you will achieve everything that you deserve.

 

Welcome and I am so sorry you are feeling so weak...please share with us what is going on...and btw, your English is quite good...welcome again

 

im in japan and speak english and japanese.
ive been here 13 years now.
your english is fine so please dont worry.
welcome to the site and you will find help and support here from everyone.
please take care and hope to chat soon.

 

Welcome to the forums!! Your english is just fine..No worries..You need to start eating some food.. Thats why your so weak..Something high protein to start..Hope to see you around the forums..

 

what is going on is nothing that is new or different for me. i live alone from being a teenager. because of it, i can harm freely and no one notices. i wear long shirts for my work so it is unnoticing there also.
it is only urges to do things like that. that is the only thing. it is how i always am, like a constant state, i dont have ups or downs but only this.

 

I used to SH myself...I found the more I could find a voice, the more I knew I existed, and could express my pain...it took a lot of work, but I feel it was worth it...please PM me if I can help in any way

 

Would you want to share details of why you are living alone from being a teenager?

 

Welcome to the forum! Hope you find support here.