New Love Or Old Flame

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Godsdrummer, Jul 3, 2009.

  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    That is the decision that is coming before me now.

    No doubt as many of you know by now thru our conversations, my soon to be ex wife has been thinking about "allowing" me to come back home. She has even gone so far as to take the kids and look at a 3 bedroom rental house, she is considering renting.

    Now....6 months ago, I would have been estatic by this news. All I wanted after my wife left me was to fix this. And when I realized I couldnt, all I wanted to do was die.

    But then...thru the haze of alcoholism...little moments of sobriety started showing up. I realized that I was actually starting to enjoy being on my own.

    And then something else happened. And I believe this completely, God sent me an Angel, in the form of a woman. Because, no woman (besides my Mother, I suppose) has ever shown me in such a short period of time, the true real love and care and compassion and well everything....that this woman has.

    She knows I am an alcoholic. She knows I have other issues....SHE DOESNT CARE! She has said repeatedly, we we face them together.

    She has told me, and in a way of which and in a tone of which I never heard from my wife....I LOVE YOU. last night came.

    I decided when I got home from work, to hop in the shower, and then go to my wife's place to see my kids and, to see what in the heck is going on.

    I told her that if we were to get back together, it would have to be as husband and wife. It would never work as just roommates. I told her, that I couldnt promise that I would never drink again.
    And...she didnt say the right words.

    Now...she has been thru a lot. I burned her badly. Hell...we burned each other pretty well. But...what she said was more of a dictating terms kind of thing. The ole, well if you come back, you can't do this, and you can't do that....but "If" you keep doing the right things....blah, blah, blah.

    Funny thing is...If God hadnt of shown me what real love feels like, ( and I really thought I knew-I mean 20 years of marriage, I ought to know) I would be posting today about how happy I was that my wife and I were getting back together.

    Instead I am posting that I know, that where I was at in that marriage was a pool of water in which I was drowning, and no one was throwing me a life rope.

    I dont want to jump back into that water.

    I know what love feels like now.

    And that love ain't coming from my wife. I suppose we can work on that...but I don't think you can work on love. You either have it or you don't.

    So my decision has been made. I love my new lady with all that I am...and she feels the same. How can I turn away from that?
  2. spookysalem

    spookysalem Member

    Man your in a hard spot there!
    But you know what to do, you said it in your post, how can you turn away from a new love like that?
    but on the other hand, You must have some feelings still for your wife, and to be back with all the family under the same roof, ..I think you might have to make a choice on just how strong your feelings are, for your new woman vs your wife.

    Im not that helpful am I?

  3. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Unless you give up drinking it doesn't matter. You will ruin either relationship eventually.
  4. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    To me it seems the choice is between living with your children or being with your new love (just my perspective). It's very hard to rebuild broken relationships, not that it can't be done, it just not likely to happen. Whereas you love this new women with all of your heart, it gives you a chance to start over. It seems your feelings are much stronger for her and that where the two women are concerned it's no competition. I agree with Right U R Ken. Battling alcoholism is very difficult, if it was so bad that it ruined your marriage you really need to deal with that first in order for the people involved to be happy.
    Though you know the situation best, I wish you luck with your future, whatever you decide. :hug: Usually your gut feeling is right.
  5. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    I think by the end of your post Bill, you answered your own query yourself.
    It sounds like you would be happier trying to reinforce the new relationship than mend the previous one. I hope it works out for you.
  6. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    whatever you do, dont get your new woman pregnant, everything else will be ok
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks Shades.

    And we have already decided that we don't want any kids. Heck I am going to be 43 years old at the end of the month. My kids that I have are enough! :biggrin: