I started sertraline six weeks ago and for the first three weeks I was in the pit and could only think about My Plan. For two of those weeks I stayed in bed, didn't eat, hardly drank anything, suffered tremors, heard the sound of trains and images of bridges in my head, furiously googled exit methods, lay sweating and shaking and wishing for it all to stop. Finally, though, it seems to be working. Situationally, nothing has changed in my life; the things that happened, and are still happening, that contributed in large part to my most recent descent are the same but it seems that my brain chemistry has changed for the better. I seem more able to take a step back and observe my thoughts and emotions rather than allow them to continue to control me. I've also started practicing "mindfulness" meditation which has had an unexpected calming effect and helps me to focus on the here and now instead of wallowing in regret or fearing for the future. Things are still tough and there are days when the feeling that I need to go comes back but there's a tiny little spark in the darkness and I'm going to try very hard to keep ahold of it. It can get better.