New meds

After trying citalopram with no effect and trazadone which turned me into a doped out zombie I have now been started on mirtazepine. Just a small dose for now as I am sensitive to sedative meds.
Does anyone have experience of mirtazepine?
Doc also suggested crisis team but holding off for now.
And I find it so frustrating when everyone tells me depressions a cyclic thing and I will come out of it ... Thing is I am not really sure that I want to come through it this time ... It's always under the surface and it would just be a reprieve until the next crisis. And when it is life experience which has brought me to this point, and that cant be changed, it makes so much more sense to just stop, doesn't it?

 

Your past cannot be changed but your present and future can How you deal with the past the thoughts is what can be altered so the pain and sadness are not there as much Therapy DBT and CBT work for changing how one thinks and deals with past. hugs

 

My doctor offered me CBT therapy ... I had my initial assessment and I was brutally honest about how I felt and she then offered me CBT therapy by telephone. I had to wait 3weeks for the first appt, and then delayed another week as phone lines went down! the first appt was awful, my depression score had vastly increased and my risk assessment triggered the response that she said she would have to speak to her supervisor!! I panicked and told her I was not feeling suicidal at all as I am paranoid about being sectioned. We agreed to switch CBT from anxiety to depression worksheets and she would ring me same time the next week. Then that afternoon I forgot to be in at home and when there was no answer she did not ring my mobile and I have had a letter saying I will be discharged unless they hear in2weeks. Fucking crap!!!
So I feel quite despondent about it all really. I realise now that if I want any decent therapy I will have to pay for it. Not sure I am in the right place for CBT ... Would like some sort of psycho therapy.
Not had the best relationships with my therapists either.

I appreciate your thoughts though xx