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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by space777, Aug 29, 2010.

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  1. space777

    space777 New Member

    Hi. I really need this type of support, as I have been very depressed my enrite life, and absolutely no one understands. I am actively involved in individual and group therapy, have tried numerous medications, and manage a successful career, yet I just wish I was very old and close to dying. If someone has a medical condition they receive a certain amount of sympathy and empathy, but it seems that having a disabling psychological condition just evokes ridicule.
    Right now I am very depressed and feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I am very angry and wish that this terrible fury would abate. I cannot sleep or eat, nor can I get going in the morning. Today I just stayed in bed.
    I go to church, pray, donate money, work, give advice to friends. I am not a whiney complaining type of person. I just wish I didn't feel so awful. I am content with not being happy, I just don't want to feel so bad. I also feel terrible because I get so angry with God, and I know he didn't do this to me. It would be easier if I had a supportive group of people whom I could talk to, but I don't. Please tell me that someone out there can relate and that I am not all alone in this suffering.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Hi and welcome. You aren't alone in what you're going through; I think you'll find plenty of people here who can relate to some or all of what you've just described.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! Your not alone.. My depression led me to have a nervous breakdown and caused me to loose my carrer.. I'm glad to hear your in therapy..Have you learned coping skills yet?? How about cognitive distortions?? I have found that they both help..In the mean time you have come to the right place for support.. The more you post the more feed back you will get..Don't get discouraged.. Take care!!
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    just want to say hi welcome to SF
  5. space777

    space777 New Member

    Thank you for your messages! In answer to some questions, I have been very active in therapy for many years. I have dysthymic disorder, so the whole saying "depression is only temporary" doesn't apply to me. That's why I feel so hopeless. Every year I say "maybe this will be the year things finally are good, or at least not so bad" and every year things seem to get worse. I know that God will not stop the treadmill, but I really wish he would slow it down ust a little. I feel like I have been treading water my entire life and just want so badly to rest for a bit. I am only 41 (feel like 91) and get panic attacks when I think about spending another 41 years like this.
    I usually feel a bit better when I am in a relationship, but the minute things become very serious I panic and then run, which makes me more depressed. Talk about a vicous (sp?) circle. I've tried the "perhaps I am making my own misery" way of thinking, but I don't know if that is entirely true??? I just feel like a failure and spend a large part of my life fantasizing about how happy I will be when I am really old and know that death is almost here, and that I can finally relax.
  6. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Hello and :welcome: to the forum. The way you feel is not unique. Many people suffer from many of the things you describe. You will find our community to be very supportive. Sometimes it may seem like it takes a long time, but be patient with us. we do care. :hug:
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