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new, not sure how to go about this, but...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by carina, Nov 12, 2012.

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  1. carina

    carina New Member

    all i can think about is wanting to kill myself. for most of my life, but never more than lately. i just made two lists. reasons to kill myself, and reasons not to kill myself. i just listed 24+ reasons to commit suicide. and 3 to not. i have absolutely no idea what i'm living for, except for 1) not doing that to my mother, 2) i might fail, yet inflict brain damage, become a vegetable, etc., and 3) research dictates "painless" methods are the most likely to fail, and various statistics i've read state the failed-attempt:success rate is 25:1 at best, 33:1 in another study, and 40:1 for the way i wanted to go about it. but, really, the only reason i'm trapped in life is my mom. but it never changes the fact that all i can think about all day everyday is how i want to die. i just pray for a heart attack, fatal stroke, cancer, ANYTHING to end my life guilt-free.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Carina. I'm glad you found SF and joined, though sad, because you are struggling with your thoughts. :hug:

    You don't say if you have sought a professional assessment - a visit to your family doctor can rule out any possible physical causes of your low mood and self-destructive thoughts. And then the doc can refer you if needed to therapy, counselling, psych or pdoc. The doc might also start you on meds that will lift your mood.

    Are there and have there been events in your life that contribute to or trigger how badly you feel? Sometimes, talking about them can help you rein in how they affect you emotionally. We are generally good listeners, so hope you will share on the forums when/if you want to. You are also welcome to send me a PM if you'd rather talk privately.

    I hope you begin to feel much better soon! :hug:
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