all i can think about is wanting to kill myself. for most of my life, but never more than lately. i just made two lists. reasons to kill myself, and reasons not to kill myself. i just listed 24+ reasons to commit suicide. and 3 to not. i have absolutely no idea what i'm living for, except for 1) not doing that to my mother, 2) i might fail, yet inflict brain damage, become a vegetable, etc., and 3) research dictates "painless" methods are the most likely to fail, and various statistics i've read state the failed-attempt:success rate is 25:1 at best, 33:1 in another study, and 40:1 for the way i wanted to go about it. but, really, the only reason i'm trapped in life is my mom. but it never changes the fact that all i can think about all day everyday is how i want to die. i just pray for a heart attack, fatal stroke, cancer, ANYTHING to end my life guilt-free.