new scars hide the old.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by UNDERWORLD, Oct 10, 2008.

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  1. UNDERWORLD

    UNDERWORLD Member

    stop, start, stop, start.

    is that all there is start cutting and then stop and fight, just for it to start all over again.
    To scared to tell people ive started again and too scared to tell them why. I pretend so much, put the mask on and hide the pain, dont let them see the scars and new cuts, they would never understand.

    Inpatient several times, drugs, drinking, S attempts, and all this life just one cut after the other.

    Made it a month this time before i had to cut, dont know why i bother trying to stop, its not like i deserve a life, was born into hell so might as well make myself comfortable in hell...........
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    It's very hard to stop cutting and I understand the fear of letting people know when you start again. You feel you've let yourself down as well as other people and they're going to be disappointed in you. Truth is, I think they would be more concerned than disappointed in you. How do you think they're react when you tell them you've started again, and if you tell them why? They'd most likely appreciate you telling them, you don't need to fight this alone.

    Do you mind me asking why you started cutting again? Am here if you'd like to chat anytime. Take care. :hug:
     
  3. UNDERWORLD

    UNDERWORLD Member

    I cannot believe i am going to say this but my therapist tells me the cutting is due to the fact that from an early age until i was in my late teens i was used by men in films and picures and was sold to other men for money, by the people who were supposed to love me and look after me.

    Yer miss therapist you think so. Been in therapy for a year and on so many meds and inpatient courses.

    why do i say this, when im scared and just want to hit delete and never come back. I need help and cant do this thing called life on my own.
     
  4. UNDERWORLD

    UNDERWORLD Member

    Sorry will shut up now.
     
  5. I seem to end up in your situation quite alot, and I really don't like the feeling. I have lengths of time - a year was the longest - where I've gone without self harm, but then it comes back to haunt me. I find it's best to have several friends that you can talk to about it. I used to only have one, but then whenever he wasn't there to talk to, I'd feel really down and resort to self harm, but now that I have several I feel slightly better about it, and there always seems to be someone there now.
     
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