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New, suicidal and afraid

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Canyouhearme, Oct 18, 2013.

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  1. Canyouhearme

    Canyouhearme New Member

    Hi, I am new to this site. I have attempted suicide by overdosing on meds twice before. I am, by no means of my own, still here.
    I feel so alone. I have gained about 80 pounds in the last year and I am so disgusted in myself.
    I sit in 'my' chair all day and watch t.v.....which really doesn't interest me.
    I live with my b/f and my 24 yr old daughter. I only shower, get dress etc. so they don't rag on me.
    I eat all day out of boredom I guess. My clothes don't fit and I don't have money nor do I want to go purchase bigger clothes..
    I think of suicide all day every day.
    I think I have enough sleeping pills to finally do this right.
    My only reason for staying here is my grandson. He is 6 and autistic. My daughter moved down south about 6 months ago. I went to visit my grandson @ 3 months ago. It was a nice visit for the most part, however, i was just so disgusted with my fat size.
    I don't know how long I will hang on. Sometimes I scare myself and don't want to die and I am afraid I will kill myself.
    I started drinking Jack Daniels. Usually I start in the afternoon and drink all night. I don't get drunk...it just kills the pain.
  2. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    Are you seeing anybody about your depression? Taking any meds?
  3. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    Sorry so short with my answer. I had ECT this morning and really needed a nap. I hope you are seeing someone so that you can get help for your obvious depression.
  4. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I also hope you can get help. Alcohol numbs the pain for a while. But when the alcohol wares off it causes the opposite effect. Makes depression much worse. Is there any way you can reach out to get help from a professional? Glad you are here. I hope you will continue to post and make this your community. There are some very nice people here
  5. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I agree with the post above, you should seek help, maybe to see a pshys. They can help, and well, most people think they don't want meds because it will play with their head, but I'm on meds, and it does not play with my head at all. It just help me fighting off the depression, and I'm still me. It does help me to keep my mind clear. I still feel sad, but I don't get that overwhelming feelings like before I'm on the meds. Please, seek help immadiately. The faster the better. You might need to go to several phycs, because not all of them are good. I hope you will find the right one for you that can help you.

  6. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I don't know why I double-posted this, this was a mistake and I don't know how to delete it. Maybe because of my internet :(

    Anyway, I hope you get better Canyouhearme, we know your pain and we care for you :)

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