Hi, I am new to this site. I have attempted suicide by overdosing on meds twice before. I am, by no means of my own, still here. I feel so alone. I have gained about 80 pounds in the last year and I am so disgusted in myself. I sit in 'my' chair all day and watch t.v.....which really doesn't interest me. I live with my b/f and my 24 yr old daughter. I only shower, get dress etc. so they don't rag on me. I eat all day out of boredom I guess. My clothes don't fit and I don't have money nor do I want to go purchase bigger clothes.. I think of suicide all day every day. I think I have enough sleeping pills to finally do this right. My only reason for staying here is my grandson. He is 6 and autistic. My daughter moved down south about 6 months ago. I went to visit my grandson @ 3 months ago. It was a nice visit for the most part, however, i was just so disgusted with my fat size. I don't know how long I will hang on. Sometimes I scare myself and don't want to die and I am afraid I will kill myself. I started drinking Jack Daniels. Usually I start in the afternoon and drink all night. I don't get drunk...it just kills the pain.