New therapy today -scared sh1tless

[wheresmysheep]

Got my leter last week, after waiting 9weeks for it, when i was told 4weeks.
Its for child abuse survivors, but in this country, they normally focus on clerical abuse survivors, and miine was in my family and then an attack by a stranger on holiday. So i dont know what they are going to offer me, or say or any of that.
Another thing is, I've never spoken about these 2 instances, and im worried as hell about how its going to effect me,
Cause, I appear tough, and can 'hold my own' but, these two things. idk. its like a failure. and i know tis not my fault, ive never fully blamed myself for these things, but its still, its wrong, and they happened to me, and i dont know what fully acceptung they happened would do to me.
I invision me becoming a child, a blubbering useless child. not able to cope with anything, and right now, any amount of stress sends me off on a rollercoaster of a mood swing and depression and suicidal thoughts, so what will happen to me if i am that defenceless blubbering mess of a child and then stress on top of me????
I'm just scared of it, and i dont want to do it, id rather ignore it. but it does bother me too.

 

[total eclipse]

YOur therapist will help you thru it all okay I become very emotional but my T somehow brings me back to the present and i see how strong i am again Don't go too fast okay let the Therapist guide you through it so it is not so overwhelming small steps hugs

 

[dazzle11215]

let your therapist know up front that you are very vulnerable to being retraumatized by talking about this. stress that your emotional safety is important to you and that you need to go nice and slow. they will be able to guide you through this. they won't jump into the deep end, but let you decide how safe you are at any given time. a good therapist can help you look at the past but take care of you now in the present, good luck.

 

[Angie]

:hug: My thoughts are with you today.

 

[wheresmysheep]

Went, and it was an assesment,
And she is aprehensive about starting actual therapy with me, as (like i worried about) she thinks i may not be able to handle it LMAO.
So i have another appointment with her, to go over more of my history and see what we can do. but she is going to have to discuss my case and possible negative reaction to going through these things, with a team and her head of whatever (cant rememebr the word! lol)
So my suspicions about myself, were correct. and she felt the same.

 

[total eclipse]

her being a therapist should be able to guide your through this slowly there a different approaches maybe she has to assess which approach is best

 

[wheresmysheep]

her being a therapist should be able to guide your through this slowly there a different approaches maybe she has to assess which approach is best

Nope, she said outright, she thinks i wont be able to cope with it.
and we may have to put it off 'for my own safty'
Therapy here is rubish, and from waht ive found off people here, about therapists making sure your safe before you leave; that has never happened in any context with me. and any time these topics have been breeched before, they kinda go; oh right, ok... and then they move onto something else, they never do it as people have said here, about it being a safe process.

Oh, she also said, that IF she takes me on, she may do it in an intense condenced session, of 3weeks(the average is 12). to get it all out.
I have no fecking clue how that is supposed to help and work?

 

[Madam Mim]

Personally, if I was your therapist (and I'm not a therapist, I just mean totally hypothetically), I would want to work through it really slowly with you, taking longer than usual to make sure that it doesn't pull out things you're not ready for.

I would have thought that condensing it would be quite traumatic, but then, what do I know? Maybe she's right, and if you get it all out over three weeks it'll be less painful, like ripping off a plaster quickly.

Perhaps you could mention to her about your worries that they'll let you leave before you feel safe. This is very important, because by definition therapy is triggering. My counsellor's office is the only place in the world that I can allow myself to think and express certain things, and knowing this, he allows me between five and ten minutes at the end of the session to calm down and make sure I'm able to leave.

Ultimately, the most important thing is how you feel about it, and if you don't think you'll feel safe with her, don't do it.

Mim