Got my leter last week, after waiting 9weeks for it, when i was told 4weeks. Its for child abuse survivors, but in this country, they normally focus on clerical abuse survivors, and miine was in my family and then an attack by a stranger on holiday. So i dont know what they are going to offer me, or say or any of that. Another thing is, I've never spoken about these 2 instances, and im worried as hell about how its going to effect me, Cause, I appear tough, and can 'hold my own' but, these two things. idk. its like a failure. and i know tis not my fault, ive never fully blamed myself for these things, but its still, its wrong, and they happened to me, and i dont know what fully acceptung they happened would do to me. I invision me becoming a child, a blubbering useless child. not able to cope with anything, and right now, any amount of stress sends me off on a rollercoaster of a mood swing and depression and suicidal thoughts, so what will happen to me if i am that defenceless blubbering mess of a child and then stress on top of me???? I'm just scared of it, and i dont want to do it, id rather ignore it. but it does bother me too.