So. Really don't trust many people, but I figure since I'll never see you guys: I'm Meredith. Everyone calls me Emmy, because when would spell my name, people thought I was saying Emmy Ariditeh. Weird, stupid. But it fits well. I have been depressed for I don't know how long, it seems like forever. I was always the quiet one. I was know for sitting in the back, keeping my head down. I still do that, but now I trace my fingers over my cuts. I was nice, smiles, gumdrops, all that 'perfect daughter' business. I would be the one to turn to if you had a problem because I was able to keep secrets. I was able to listen without judging. But eventually that dissolved into being the laughing stock, of being picked on, of being the target of vicious rumors. Apparently, I sleep with anyone, regardless of age and gender. I, apparently, force myself onto guys who aren't interested because I am so desperate. I am a cutter, I am depressed, and I am 100% not acting like myself. I act like nothing phases me, I stand as hard as a rock while the world flows by. In the sea of life, I really am a rock, a rock that is plummeting down to the sea floor. The black water churns with derogatory slurs, beer, and blood. I just sit and wallow in it, unable to get away. I am embedde into the sea floor, and no amount of straining can unearth me, buried six feet under. Maybe I'll drown?
Just want to say hi. You sound so sad so much emotional pain The people spreading these rumors need to be told on okay. YOu need to press charges against them for mental harassment. You will not be judged here and noone will make fun of you Try ignoring these people okay go out join a new activity a new class a new sport but get out of the area you are in and make new friends I hope you know you can pm me anytime okay
Comparatively speaking, they could do a lot worse. I've pretty much got it under control, it's just I hate my home life more than school. Lose lose situation, but since I've started cutting it's been easier to cope, to escape to be able to watch it, to feel in control.
