New to the forum and really in trouble

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Franny, Oct 10, 2016.

  1. Franny

    Franny New Member

    i am new to the forum and found it last night in searches. I have been out of work for 7 months. I have no real family and recently broke up with my boyfriend. I have been struggling with depression for years but I really just want to die at this point. I am completely isolated and I wake up every morning with a crushing sense of how will I even get through this day and more importantly why am I even doing this any more. I am completely and utterly alone, lost my job and am struggling to find a new one. I do not see my life ever getting any better
     
    Harmony2 likes this.
  2. Without sounding like a broken record on this site, I'm so sorry you're feeling completely isolated from everything you once loved. That's a long way down the forest road to come back from but it is possible. There are many people here and elsewhere who have walked the valley of darkness and death only to find that there is light on the other. Of course those words sound extremely naive given your circumstances but I have hope that you can find the cracks in this darkness and break through to light. You're worth fighting for. You're a beautiful, intelligent, and valuable human being. I wish I could be like a big fan to blow away these dark storm clouds from your life. I would do so in a heartbeat. Praying for you Franny.
     
  3. BarryW

    BarryW Well-Known Member

    Being out of work for such a long time, especially if you are used to working, can be frustrating. You are not alone because you have this community of supportive people to talk to. Try out the chat if that is your thing, or just continue posting and letting us know how you are doing. Your story can help inspire others who are struggling. How recent was your breakup? It's natural for dark thoughts to come at those times.. just keep in mind that your ex is not the sole decider of your worth.
     
  4. Franny

    Franny New Member

    Hi to both and thank you very very much for reaching out. My breakup was 7 days ago. The unemployment has taken a huge toll on me. I feel like the walls have been caving in on me most days
     
  5. BarryW

    BarryW Well-Known Member

    Have you been applying to places or haven't been able to find jobs you felt were a good match for you?
     
  6. Franny

    Franny New Member

    I have been applying and interviewing quite a bit. I have been in my industry for over 20 yrs and get rejected a lot due to being overqualified
     
  7. BarryW

    BarryW Well-Known Member

    I'm glad to hear you have been able to get interviews. If you are losing heart about finding a job due to the overqualification, one option might be to consider other careers. You can't be overqualified if you haven't worked in that area before. Granted that might give you the opposite problem.. but something to think about if you have other interests.
     
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Don't give up Franny. There are jobs out there. I have been laid off five times in my life. One time it took a full year to find a job and then it was only temporary. But I convinced them I was worth keeping permanently, well, at least until there were lay offs there. I was 62 at my last layoff. Had to take a pretty lousy job, but it pays the bills. Barry had great advice. Don't limit your search to what you have done for the last 20 years. Broaden it, and be ready for a pay cut. But most of all, don't give up.
     
  9. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    One thing I used to do was "dummy down" my c.v. I used to get that a lot "overqualified"...I just wanted to work in my field so I lowered some of my responsibilities etc...to make it sound like I wasn't so experienced. I think "overqualified" means they don't want to pay you for your experience. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Sending a hug xx
     
    electricalanomaly likes this.
  10. Jesse A

    Jesse A New Member

    I am in a huge crisis! My wife who I love more than anything, is bi polar and went psychotic last night and wanted to kill me and held me hostage with a large hunting knife to my throat ranting about a lot of crazy stuff but she unleashed a tirade of horrible heartbreaking devastating comments about never having loved me and evrything that you can think of. She was surley about to kill me and i saw it in her eyes but i finally convinced her to walk over to the ER where she told them everything she had done and told the police too, i never wanted to press charges but they were going to anyway, i managed to get them not to. She is locked ina psych ward and not able to communicate, she isnt fit to even sign a consent for release of information, I know that she was only sick and i know that we love each other as soul mates forever, i knew some of the staff there and they said the only time she smiled was when they breifly let her look at a photo from our weddng. I feel like im dying and at one point i thought she had killed me and i was in hell literally, I am forgot to eat or drink water all day and i realized i was very thirsty drank some water and even that gave me no pleasure, I have been through pain and depression many times in life but nothing compares to this and I have no one really except to go to mental health myself, but what need and would give all i have on earth for is to just see her for a minute and tell her i love her, and that she will get bettter. Im not wanting to kill myself i feel like i am dying though, cant sleep and am sick at my stomach, but the mental anguish is non stop, thats all
     
  11. AlexiMarie7

    AlexiMarie7 Well-Known Member

    Hi Jesse, Welcome to the Forum.

    I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with so much of your own and with your wife. Is she not allowed visitors as yet? It's good to hear that seeing your wedding photo made her smile. I believe she does love you, and that it was her illness saying the horrific things to you last night. It can be a hard distinction to make as the words uttered can seem convincing, but it is often the monster speaking.

    Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist you may be able to see? It may be a good time for you to also try to deal with your own issues to be as strong as possible for when your wife is able to leave the ward eventually. So even if you don't feel motivated to do it for yourself, please take care of yourself for her. The mental anguish can be unbearable so get what help you can for you now.

    I hope your wife gets effective treatment, and you are able to be in contact more with her care providers.

    Love can help you get through many a rough times; fight for the strength you need during this time.
     
  12. Jesse A

    Jesse A New Member

    She is not allowed vistors and they only told me about the picture because i know some of them well for years, I am trying and they want me to go by day treatment tomorrow but they will want to put me in a crisis facility at first glance possibly and if i have to tal about i cry uncontrolably, i met my wife there she is bi polar and suffer major wound and PTSD from military service. We truly love each other but im worried she is gonna end up in the state hospital for 6 months
     
  13. Jesse A

    Jesse A New Member

    i suffer from ptsd from war not her
     
  14. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Speak to others here on the forum in the chat rooms and postings. It will help you in your struggle as you support your wife. PTSD is horrible but it's about trying to cope on a hour by hour basis.