I am a 25 year old Reservist Marine Sergeant. Formally active duty. Unemployed living in my parents basement off of my re-enlistment bonus which is quickly dwindling . I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I used to think I wanted to be a cop but now I'm thinking not so much. I have done things that my own family and friends would disown me for and I hate myself for it. People have told me I should kill myself (indirectly "people like that should just kill themselves") I agree and try to change the subject. I am a very logical person and I too think people like me have no place in society. I only see a few ways out of where I am now.....suicide, abandoning everything and living alone in the middle of nowhere which would probably lead to suicide....other things that I am not ready to talk about. I have come close a few times. Crying with the gun in my hand hoping somebody will stop me. I try to cheer myself up by thinking about all I have or I go out and by toys or go boating or sea dooing with my family but it is just a band aid. The joy only lasts as long as the activity. My life is wasting away.......I am a terrible person and nobody knows it but me.....I don't know what to do.