I don't know where to start. I am profoundly unhappy. My life has been in a downward spiral for over twelve years, and I feel like I'm purposefully trying to hit rock bottom. Most recently the love of my life left me, took everything, and ran off with her satanist tattoo artist ( a man I've known most of my life who has now covered her entire body in tattoos and convinces her to participate in threesomes with his friends). I've let myself become a full blown alcoholic since then, and spend the vast majority of my days in my office doing nothing but having extremely violent murder/suicide fantasies. They don't feel like fantasies anymore. I have absolutely no hope that my life will get better. I sometimes think I don't want it to, anyway....like it's not worth the effort.