Hi. I am h and feel so confused. I live in france alone with my 3 kids. My husband lives abroad and we hardly see each other. I have suffered from depression since my teens and been in medication for 8 years now. We recently left our home abroad where we lived together. We are apart because of new work and money not a problem in our relationship. I have been reducing my meds as per doc but the last few weeks I have hit Rick bottom again. I hate myself I hate the mother I am and so worried I will hurt their feelings or worse they become like me. I cry so hard and just cannot stand the constant battle to being alive. I don’t act because I know it will hurt my kids to find me and I know my husband will be sad but the truth is I don’t want to battle anymore. I have some good moments but then my lows are so low I just want it to end. How can I pull myself out. I am scared to tell my husband because it will upset him and I do t want him to think it is his fault. It is my fault that I feel like this. I have no idea if this group is the right place but I just want it to stop
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Bonjour!
Sorry that you're feeling so bad right now.
You said you don't want to tell your husband how you're feeling because it'll hurt him. BUT don't you realize that it'll hurt him much more if you don't tell him and then something happens to you? It's better for you to talk to someone face to face about the way things are than to have him wonder what's going on. Maybe the distance is making him not realize how bad things are at home for you. Perhaps there is something he can do to help you or that you can do together. I don't know enough about the circumstances but it might be a good start to tell him what's going on. You trusted him enough to marry him and have kids, right? Trust him enough to tell him you feel this badly.
Sorry that you're feeling so bad right now.
You said you don't want to tell your husband how you're feeling because it'll hurt him. BUT don't you realize that it'll hurt him much more if you don't tell him and then something happens to you? It's better for you to talk to someone face to face about the way things are than to have him wonder what's going on. Maybe the distance is making him not realize how bad things are at home for you. Perhaps there is something he can do to help you or that you can do together. I don't know enough about the circumstances but it might be a good start to tell him what's going on. You trusted him enough to marry him and have kids, right? Trust him enough to tell him you feel this badly.
Hi there and welcome to the forum, sorry you are feeling so low but glad you are confident that you will not act on your thoughts. Keep talking to us here. Does your husband know how you are feeling? You deserve to live a life worth living, I hope you can get through this safely and that you seek the help of a professional who will know how best to handle the situation, best wishes 
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