new to the site, feeling a little helpless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kev1, Aug 13, 2014.

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  1. kev1

    kev1 New Member

    i dont really know what to say or where to start, im a father of two girls, 3 and 1 and married to a very caring loving wife with 3 children of her own, i should be happy, i have everything ive always wanted but still i feel like this, i have bipolar disorder and i know thats got a lot to do with how i feel, its probably got everything to do with how i feel, im only 34 and i know ive got a long way to go before i kick the bucket natrualy, i just dont think i can last that long thinking the way i do and putting up with the thoughts i get almost 24 hours a day.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome to the forum. Sorry you're feeling so low, a lot of people here have bipolar so will be able to relate. Have you told your doctor how you are feeling? I hope you find this site helps :)
     
  3. kev1

    kev1 New Member

    thank you for the welcome, i have told my doctor mostly how im feeling but im afraid of telling him to much as theres a chance i might be hospitalized and the thought of that scares me more then the thoughts im having, my mother is also bipolar and was hospitalized for a time when i was younger, i can remember how i felt going to visit her with my father and i dont want my kids to have to go through the same emotions i had to, i will be seeing my CPN on friday and will try my best to be more honest but i know what im like, from what ive read the site seems pretty good as i cant really talk to my wife about it, understandably it makes her sad and angry when i tell her im feeling the way i do, she lost someone very close to her a little while back due to suicide and i dont think she will ever really come to terms with that, its good to be able to talk to someone this way, have an outlet i mean, as ive purpously isolated my self from all the friends i once had all i really have left is my family.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hey again.

    It's great that you will be seeing your CPN soon. Be honest and maybe tell the CPN that you don't think hospitalization will help. Maybe they can come up with something different such as a change of medications or a change in therapy, there are lots of options, so don't give up! :hug: Best of luck to you.
     
  5. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that finding someone to talk to about your feelings helps. There are lots of people here who are willing to listen and give great advice if that's what you want. Sometimes you just want to vent though and that's fine too. We've all been there, although maybe not with small children and a fragile partner too. Your kids could just be told that Daddy's not well right now and visits could be arranged outside of a ward environment if it's safe for you. Get yourself well. Your kids need you and you obviously have lots of insight and a lot to give. I think those of us who are damaged have a special insight into the world that others lack. They take everything for granted. We don't and we understand others like us.
     
  6. LoganMorgan

    LoganMorgan Member

    I feel your pain Kev. My friend Chris once told me that you never know what good things are in store for you. I know it's simple, but it really helped me, and often still does.
     
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