I'm isabelle, and i have joined this forum because i have lost the ability to communicate what i really feel to the outside world. I have had suicidal thoughts, and depression for as long as i can remember. Yes i have some happy memories, but all in all the bad, the horrid and the heartbreaking memories out weigh the good. I have been alot better the past 18 months (i found love)...but its slipping away (he is in the navy and recently moved interstate) and all the old feelings are taking over. To be honest the only reason i am alive is because of three very special people- mum, dad, and brother. My family have been through so much, i lost a sister at age three (she was very young and i don't remember it) but how can i allow them to loose another daughter. They love me so much. I found it almost overwelming. I wish they wouldn't. If they didn't care, i wouldn't have to endure life. I was never meant for this world. I feel to much. I cry un-normal amounts. I wish the pain would go away.