i just joined the forums. i have never been suicidal, though the thought had vaguely crossed my mind when i was going through a rough patch a while ago. but that patch seems nothing compared to right now, right now i really don't see any point in carrying on. my life seems completely devoid of anything that gives me or anyone else around me any joy. that said, i have no current plans to commit suicide, but i really feel like i am headed down that path, at some point.. i don't know. i know some of this is depression talking, and the fact that i am not getting any fresh air or exercise lately. also i have discovered that a therapist i was talking to has (i'm not a 100% sure) divulged some of my information to others. whats complicated is that he appears to know some of the people i work with, and that is putting an added pressure on me at work. i sometimes feel like people looking at me know what is going on, even though i haven't said anything to them. it leaves me feeling very strange, sometimes i feel like a freak. but everything has started to fall apart. at times nothing really seems to connect to anything else and at other times i see everything as interconnected and interrelated. there is this sense of lethargy and lack of energy that seems to have become my life now. i just want it to end, either the lack of energy or life itself. i'm here for any of you if you need me.