so I'm here thinking a lot about everything and reading these posts. I recognize myself in so many of them. My biggest problem is that I keep scaring mself out of killing myself. I hate myself for that! I can't stop thinking of the pain I would leave so many people in and then I begin to resent them for that and begin feeling guilty for wanting to go so badly but I can't help it. I know htat I'm not covering any new ground here and that my problems are no bigger than anyone elses but I guess I feel like I am now finally starting to get myself on a timeline to finally go through with it...nothing definite yet but it is starting to become more real...The big challenge is to do it in a way that seems an accident so that my life insurance can be given out to those that need it....that's a problem. I keep thinking of a car crash horific enough that there is no way I could live through it. There is a huge bridge where I live but I;m not sure my car would make it through the barrier and over it. It would be unethical for me to go head on with a big rig since I wouldn't want to cause that driver any problems. I wonder about volunteering to go up to a roof top somehow, of a high building and attempting to slip off of it but that might not be seen as an accident to the insurance company so here I am stuck.