new to this forum...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dan1, Oct 12, 2009.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. dan1

    dan1 New Member

    Hey, i'm new to this forum so i guess i should post a little introduction at least. For a start i think this forum is a great idea.

    Im 16, male, i live in England. And have been having suicidle thoughts for the past 3-4 months (previously had depression for about 8 months last year)
    I recently started having anxiety attacks which turned my life upside down.
    Im a musician, i did play with two bands, one of which is a very high standard band which i was very fortunate to be a part of. But i have quit the high standard band and im close to quiting the other band (i've been with them for 3 years now)

    I am in theropy at a local mental health centre, mainly for the anxiety but with help for depression aswell.
    It was very hard for me to admit to the nurse that i was having thoughts about killing myself, i think becuase i knew she would have to tell my mother whether or not i wanted her to know. I told her i would probably take an overdose (i was on propranolol which slows heart rate which i was given for anxiety attacks) so i was imediatly taken off the meds and all medication was removed from my house.

    I did feel better after i had told the nurse and after my mother was told. but now i feel just as bad, if not worse than before.

    I was due to start at a sixth form college to study A level music however i quite due to anxiety, and now i only think about getting work.

    I keep thinking that i'll never make it past 20, and ive had this thought for 2 or 3 years now however i did not have suicidle thoughts before. And this thought seems more realistic now than it ever has.

    Everyone in my family (apart from a few) would have thought i would be a famous musician and go to university and study... and i thought this too untill i left high school. thats when i starting thinking about just getting a job.

    I have a nack at music but i down play it alot (i;m not big headed, atleast i try not to be :S )

    Recently met a girl via a friend's, friends, friends, over the internet but as my luck go's she live's in Finland. The bottom line is we both really like eachother and get on great. Which made the time we talk with eachother really special and i felt happy! for the first time in ages. But the realism of being together is impossible, it just cant happen and that makes everything feel worse.

    When i have suicidle thoughts i get this strange feeling in my chest or stomache, it feels like a pulse of energy trying to escape my body. Its very very unpleasent and i hate that feeling.

    I'll stop now so i dont bore anyone who might read this,
    Dan. :unsure:
  2. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to SF :)
  3. lapazyelamor

    lapazyelamor Well-Known Member

    hey buddy the only advice i can give you is that i think you are the same as me when i was your age in that you want to grow up too quickly, once you get to be older you will find your self dont compare yourself to others and have patience , the way you think and feel will change as you get older but its the descisions you make whiloe you are young that matter good luck
  4. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forum Dan.

    Hope to see you around. x
  5. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    What do you play?
  6. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    welcome to sf dan :) i hope you find that it helps and you make some good friends and support systems here
  7. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    welcome to the forum i hope with the help of your parents and doctor you can try new medication for your anxiety and depression so you can go on and fulfill whatever dreams and hopes you have. Maybe see a professional as well for therapy a psychologist who will help you with your anxiety issues Glad you are here lots of people your age here that can relate
  8. dan1

    dan1 New Member

    Not that its something people see as interesting, but i play trumpet.

    Thanks everyone for the welcome, hopefuly this forum will help me.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.