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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by jballan, Aug 16, 2016.

  1. jballan

    jballan Member

    I just created an account. Maybe for support, maybe for somebody to understand. I'm not entirely sure. I have a significant history with attempts and SI. People look at me and say how can someone so successful and smart be so miserable? They just don't believe that I am suffering despite 20 hospitalizations. They think I want attention. I'm lost. I feel completely done trying. I've been in therapy for 5 years, and I feel worse than when I started. So that's enough said.
     
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum.
     
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. You will find a very supportive group of people here. We understand how someone can be smart and successful, and miserable at the same time. It is NOT a drive for attention. Please don't quit trying. Have you been with the same therapist for 5 years? Perhaps a change is in order. Have you had any luck with meds?
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi & welcome to SF. Hope you find what you are looking for here. I wishh you the best of luck in your journey to recovery, same therapist for 5 years? What kind of approach is this therapist using? It clearly is not working and a new approach could help so much or even a new therapist. We see successful and miserable people here all the time, depression does not discriminate.
     
  5. jballan

    jballan Member

    Thanks. I have tried many medications, the only ones that make a difference are stimulants, but my doc won't write them anymore. I've seen 2 therapists both MD's who focus on psychotherapy. Specialists and very well known in my area. I feel like they make me worse. I feel like I should NEVER talk again and i would be better off.
     
  6. jballan

    jballan Member

    mainly psychoanalysis, very intensive, also CBT, DBT. Haven't found an approach that really fits well with me.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Seems like you've had bad luck when it came to therapy, you should keep talking about how you feel, things CAN improve even if things seem pretty grim right now. I think a change in therapists might help, i know its hard to repeat your story all over again but please give it a shot :)
     
  8. jballan

    jballan Member

    Yes, it is hard to repeat my story. And if I go through this again, I'm only talking about school. Nothing else. I wish I could be more optomistic, but finding a good doctor is hard and takes time, and I just don't know if I have the time or the dedication to try that hard.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Don't give up. I know it is tough, do you have any close friends or relatives you can talk about about this who would actually listen and care? We care about you here, you are not just another user name but a person who is suffering immensely, you deserve to feel better than this.
     
  10. jballan

    jballan Member

    Thank you for caring. Not really anyone close who understands besides my doctor who I am upset with. My family doesn't believe someone like me could have these type of problems. They think I make crap up. So I cut them from my life. I don't need those type of people making me worse. All my friends are now in medical school, are really busy and I basically am left with one friend.
     
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are most welcome. Let them think what they want you know what you're feeling and going through and that's all that matters. How about that one friend? What is your relationship like with him/her? Depression is extremely hard to get through but with the right supports in place you can do it.
    When you said the only meds that made you feel better are stimulants? What type of medications are they ? And how much better did they make you feel (i'm only used to anti depressants/relaxants/anti psychotics, that's all I have experience with).
     
  12. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hi I am Mox =)

    Just know when you are here, you are with friends, you are safe.
     
    jballan likes this.