New view on life/god

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Troubled2008, Mar 15, 2009.

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  1. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member


    I usually come here when I have been drinking or using drugs... Maybe that tells you something about me. What it might tell you is that I am feeling guilty about these things. This doesn't necessarily say, though, that I am a bad or good person.

    Lately, I always feel on a night when I drink, that it is a bad night in my life. I'll be honest with you and I know some people will totally relate to this. It's like you leave your life and enter one where you can't deal with your problems anymore. That's how I am. I mean... I don't want to drink... But there comes a point where I have literally done all I can and when I will either kill myself or drink, I choose to drink a little...

    I'm not a terribly religious person although I once was. Now I see my life as neither good or bad. Even though I am happier when I drink or use drugs because this allows me to escape just for a little while... I know this is not an ultimate solution. But nor is it my fault. I am at my breaking point when I do this. Maybe I'll be sick or depressed but it causes me to live another day. I could say so many things about my feelings about God or life.........

    Maybe your substance abuse helps you not think about something that really sucks so much that you just want to forget. I am so different when I do this. I am a totally different person...... or am I? Am I actually driven to do this when I feel all is beyond my control? I always blame myself.... But I know I am a good person. I only do this when I can't take it anymore......... So if you do this.. Are you really a bad person?? Or are you just under immense stress? Maybe you should stop blaming yourself.

    Overcoming a substance abuse problem isn't really any different than overcoming a problem with someone who eats too much and becomes massively overweight. Will society blame someone when they are overweight? No. They will say, "That's their genetics. They gain weight easily." But does the person eat endlessly on some days when they feel the pressure..... Like on the days when I drink....

    I guess my main point is..... I think every person, no matter how great their life is.... I believe every person will come to some "testing" point where they do something that they don't want to do... But they literally cannot help it. They are just at the point... Where they cannot do anything else. So is that their fault? Everyone will probably tell them that it's their fault. But no one will completely know what goes on in their head.

    We who have problems, of course, want to get over them. But we are told to blame ourselves and that it's always our fault. Usually, this is because someone that we trust can not handle their lives so we take on their responsibility and doubt. So we can still believe they are perfect.

    I am not religious in any one particular way and I also sometimes feel that I hate God. But I know that I am responsible only for myself. Sometimes, we with these problems have them because we carry other peoples' burdens. Maybe it is not our problem anymore. All we can do is do the best we can and be responsible for ourselves. We can try to help others as much as we can... And this is a good thing. But when other people do things wrong to themselves or others... Even if we love these people... We cannot continue to bear that burden ourselves.

    All people must someday be responsible for themselves and for their own actions. Sometimes we who suffer can falsely believe that everyone else's problems are ours. They really are not. I hope that you can believe in something greater, no matter what it is. And I hope that you can ask that power... to judge you yourself... Not on the actions of all of the misled people whom you might try to save.

    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 16, 2009
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I definitely agree about the overeating compared to drug use. They are the same thing, one is just looked on more poorly.
    And I also agree that a lot of us here probably take on others problems and call them their own. When I'm high I tend to focus more on myself and not let other people get to me.
    I think getting high opens my mind a little bit and that open-mindedness stays even after the high ends.
    Good post :thumbup:
  3. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Just to note:
    1. alcohol is the most addictive and destructive drug in the world
    2. drugs make you both better and worse, with 2 to 1 toward worst
    therefore, drugs cause you to be even more depressed

    Try the local GYM and aerobic sport (running, swimming)
    physical simulation with the right nutrition forcing your brain to release
    lots of different hormones that stabilizing your sleep cycle, and your mood
    also concentration, and self esteem.
    Combine it all with the right meds and treatment overall, and your depression is gone!

    Unfortunately most people are... well lazy i guess
    i mean, ask all the depressed kids here on SF, how many of them actually
    do anything to help themselves? i think about 10%, the other 90% just whining all day long
  4. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Well I'm glad you have a generalized positive attitude. That will take you farther than anything else. Sometimes, esp. when I drink, I perceive that I will somehow be embarrassed the next day. I guess it is mostly in my mind because my cousin once told me, "I didn't realize you were drinking until you told me." I'm a Gemini and I get embarrassed very easily. I also read that this is perhaps a trait of Geminis. So I always feel a lot better when I can be open and be accepted. So thanks! :)
  5. Troubled2008

    Troubled2008 Well-Known Member

    Agreed. I have no idea why I started doing it. Oh wait. Yes I do. Here is the part where I abandon my perfect and positive persona and be real for a second. I was a pot smoker as a teen and when I got arrested for it and put on one-year probation at age 19, I started drinking and became an alcoholic in the same year. That was ten years ago.

    Again, agreed. But, at this point in my life, my destiny is so strong beating upon my brain...... that I can't stop drinking sometimes basically. I know it's not good for me and I someday hope to be 100% sober again but I have been slowly starting to believe that it was the stars and destiny which allowed me to be sober in the first place. I come from dysfunctionality... It was for sure somewhat the stars the first time I was sober. I either need to learn some great hidden lesson or just wait for the stars to re-align for me. :)

    I exercise more than anyone I know. Even through being an alcoholic, I have usually continued to exercise. But I do hope someday to shake the booze so I can be totally pure again. I think it might be soon but I'm not sure. I think it is truly in the stars for me. I have given up on the "trying too hard" and stressful life. :)

    P.S. When I was younger, I thought, even without knowing a lot about it, that I was a part of Islam. Part of this belief was related to my conservative nature and also that Islamic people should not drink alcohol. I was never part of the whole violent thing with Islam... But I also now realize that 99.9% of Islamic people are not like this and in fact have almost the exact same values as Christians. But I guess the whole no-alcohol thing rang in me somewhere and I was like... "Yeah, I'm all just regular and simple and religiously conservative... Maybe this is for me." I'm not sure what is for me right now.... I guess I am for me. Lol. I can always trust myself. I guess like that guy from Scarface. Although I think that is horrible and a horrible example..... :)
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2009
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