Well, never in my life did I think I'd be posting on a forum like this but here I am... I tried to kill myself a few months ago. I don't know when because honestly I can't remember. The onslaught has been therapy and going back to my usual self of pretending everything is ok. It isn't, but even my therapist is thinking everything is going great! Yet here I am tonight thinking of the pros and cons of being here. Back in 1999 I was a very promising musician, getting all the gigs and plaudits going. Then thanks to an illness I lost my hearing to quite a large extent and proceeded to go through chemotherapy. I still completed a degree in music performance and got to quite a high level, but it was a constant struggle. Getting myself in a lot of debt with expensive hearing aids and just constantly resenting what I can't hear. Having left music completely I am now working in retail, but facing the same issues with conversing with people. I'm just tired of having to try to hear. I've had relationship issues recently - broke up with my wife to be and had a major fall out with my brother at Christmas. Recent issues with self harming, eating disorders, drinking too much, oh, and the suicide attempt... Anything that makes me feel shit really. Why do I want to stay alive? Well, to be honest I'm running out of reasons. I'm sitting in a rented flat, alone, and planning to stay that way till I go back to work on the 4th of January. I've not seen or conversed with anyone since the 26th and I loathe having to do so on the 4th. How the hell do I get out of this? Why can't I just admit I have a problem? It just seems like I'm a ticking time bomb to be honest.