new year shame shit just want to die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mbrace, Jan 1, 2012.

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  1. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    in the past month i have lost my job and my girlfriend has now left me. On wednesday me and my partner argued after one of her family members accused her of cheating. On thursday i stayed in a hotel and took an overdose which didn't work, spent all of friday in the hospital being treated then on saturday packed up my stuff and discovered on her facebook messages a message from another guy saying "i don't want to lose u" so she had been cheating even though she denys it and says nothing happened, i just can't see what else the message could mean? The worst bit is i still love her and just want her back, which i know isn't going to happen and all i can think about is attempting to OD again and get it right this time!
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry to hear you lost your job and girlfriend. That is tough going. Please don't overdose, I've overdosed numerous times when I was at an all time low even ending up on life support, trust me, its not a road you want to go down, you could end up brain damaged. I'm one of the lucky ones. I know life is hard for you right now, but think of a few days, weeks, months down the line, it might not be so hard. Get yourself some help, are you on any medications for depression or whatever your diagnosis is?
     
  3. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    yes i'm on anti depressants 30mg citrolpram, i wonder if i took enough of them it will take me out my misery
     
  4. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry that your situation is so rough right now. If you can see any sort of freedom coming from the destruction of the past, it might help you not take it out on yourself as much. Can you try to talk to a counselor, crisis line, get a friend to come by, etc? All i can say is keep your head up and look to the future, look to today... things change in life and we can't control the decisions other people make. Hang in there, change up your surroundings, it's a new day, make it yours.
     
  5. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    i have changed my surroundings am having to stay with my grandparents as she has took the flat, and its just depressing all i can do is speak about her i'm in a city away from her and just want to b back there close to her
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I used to be on that drug. It didn't hep me much, if it's not working for you tell your doctor and they'll most likely change your anti depressants.
     
  7. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    i would but i've had to leave where i was living cause had nowhere else to go... I've left my 15month old daughter (i started seeing this girl while she was already pregnant and raised the child as my own) i just want to go back to how things use to be
     
  8. Sleep

    Sleep Active Member

    It sounds like you're better off without her if she cheated on you mate. Unfortunately it doesn't feel that way and it's hard to let go, no matter what's happened. Overdosing isn't the answer as it could fuck up one of your major organs in your body.

    I really hope things improve soon for you, mbrace.
     
  9. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    i just want to take something and slip into a nice deep sleep and not wake from it
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you're feeling that way. To be honest I feel that way too, that's when I know it's time to go back to the psych ward. Is there any chance you can admit yourself to the hospital? It can really help a lot.
     
  11. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    when i OD the other day i thought they would admit me but how wrong was i, they said they were happy to let me go even though i told them i still wanted to harm myself
     
  12. mbrace

    mbrace Member

    so i attempted an OD again last night and i've failed yet again because i've woken up yet again, feeling even more shit then i felt yesterday
     
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