Woke up this morning, got myself a gun... (Ignore the lyrics from Alabama 3 - Woke Up this Morning....) Ok, well recently i've been struggling with a bit of heart break, my ex-girlfriend in Norway chose to dump me because of another guy, who was 23 and I am 16. Her relationship between that 23 year old shortly fell through the roof though, which I was happy about and I was there at the time. He wasn't right for her anyway. That night and the next day were a bit pemiscuous, on the night that she had a break up with the 23 year old, who I saw her kissing without me knowing who it was... we were drnunk, we had sexual intercourse, it wasn't the first time that we had done it but it was the first as ex's yet best friends, in her room... because we were ex's, she told me after had commited the act of adultery to not get too attached and so on but, ofcourse, thats hard when she's your ex, you've still got a broken heart because of her and you love her more than anything else on the planet, including my family. I was quite broken at the period of time, regardless of what moment we had just shared because I really wanted to get back with her, so I cried and being the kind compassionate that she is, she held me and made sure I was alright by giving me a kiss on the cheek and such. The next morning, I woke up to find her laying next to me and it was always a pleasure to wake up with her laying next to me and I shall miss that for the rest of my life. We went to the friends house again, socialised for a bit with her two gay friends, we both went out for a walk to where she worked at the point, none of us holding each other and such... untill we were walking back to their house, I was falling apart in silence as my mind was telling me that she didn't care and such but then at the very moment when numerous tears started flowing down my face, she grabbed my arm and held me... It gave me hope that she still loved me, we got inside the house, her two friends had gone out, we got drunk, she cut my hair (gave me a bald spot too...) and so on... anyway... I went home, to England, the next day and communicaton between the two of us was a bit off due to her moving into a new apartment and such... She phones me about a couple of days later to tell me that she's been to a club, she's drunk and theres another guy that she likes... I broke to pieces yet again, in silence and she had a go at me saying that I was cliché for always being nice and such... as drunk people do. The next night, she phones me up again, she's drunk ofcourse, at her apartment, she asks me questions such as "Do you look at other girls?", I hav trouble answering them due to the fact that she didn't believe me when I answered with the honest answer. She got mad at me, I cried, I grabbed a knife, ran outside the house with my family worrying about me... she phones me again to apologise, I tell her that I love her... she answers with... "Right..." and it evolves into me slitting my wrist, which I hadn't done for a long time, running back home, putting tissue paper on my wrist, hiding it from my mother and brother then... She phones again, tells me that she's really sorry, she loves me, she dosn't want me to get hurt and so on... I went to sleep. The next days/weeks were un-eventful untill... Boxing Day... I was at my Nan and Grandad's house, with my mother, father, brother and my uncle, auntie, cousins. She phones me when i'm sitting down with the family, I leave the room to go upstairs, I answer the phone... I get informed that there is another guy, yet again, this time it's serious and it hasn't been long since she had broke up with me either... she tells me things about him, I think I heard that he was in Prison, he's 23 and he has a song... They're living together and they've known each other for about a week... I try and be strong, for her and I succeeded untill she hang up after we had said good bye at the end of our conversation... I went into my grandad's study to write a little letter on the computer which came to a halt when my 23 year old brother lectured me about her and various other things... The night progressed, we went to sleep... I couldn't sleep though, with all of this happening in such a short period of time... I text her, with a meaningful text and it includes the words... "Soul mates forever? No matter how much you break me, my life, my dreams and my hope?"... Ofcourse, she finds this a bit cruel and says that we can never be together again. I lost contact with her after that, untill now, by my own will. She texted me this morning saying that I could phone her, I asked her how she is and so on... but guess what I find out... She is engaged to him and they have only known each other for 2 weeks and 1 day. Talk about taking things fast, seriously. How does she expect me to respond to that? I still love her, after all she put me through... After New Years Eve, I had a break through... I wanted to become a Musician, BBC Presenter (working with the BBC) or a footballer but now... I can't live up to those, like this. I've got no reason to live anymore... Anyway, i'm feeling rather suicidal and such now... New Years Resolutions, crushed, just like me. I feel like a fucking used condom, I apologise for the profanity. I just don't know what to do any more... Anyone got any advice for me? I have College in a few days, if I get accepted and I don't think i'm ready for it, in this state.