Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Squid, Jun 8, 2009.

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  1. Squid

    Squid Member

    Well, I'm not really sure how to start this so I guess I'll introduce myself. My name is Chelsea and I'm a normal teenage girl for the most part. I go out with my girlfriends and have a love hate relationship with boys, but I'm really awful at managing my feelings sometimes. Part of me thinks it all reflects back on my parents and their messy divorce when I was young, but I couldn't tell you for sure. When I hit middle school my parents started a tug of war of sorts to try to seem like the better parent. My mom told me what an awful parent my dad was and vice versa. Eventually I just felt like a tool and did my best to avoid them. My 8th grade year I attempted, but obviously it didn't work and I tried my best to not let it get that far again. After that I reconciled with my father and formed a really close relationship with him, and he became my confidant. I never had to tell him I felt suicidal sometimes, he was just impossible to be unhappy around. Unfortunately as my relationship with my father blossomed, my mother and I grew farther apart than we already were. She married one of those guys who drinks a lot and is always outspoken (and not in a good way) and a few years after their marriage he started verbally abusing my little brother, who I bonded with after the divorce more than anyone. I was free of suicidal thoughts for almost 4 years, but this past year has been difficult beyond belief for me. One of my close friends passed away the day before Homecoming, my mom and I fight constantly because my brother and I want to move in with our dad and nobody is willing to let me rant to them about how I feel because the thought of me even thinking about suicide is too much for them. I thought for the longest time that I would be okay, but lately it's been the most difficult thing in the world to fight off the temptation. I don't want to, but when I get angry or sad or stressed, everything else I bottled up comes pouring out and I feel myself losing control. Above all, I need a consistent place to feel like I can be open when the need arises and so I finally broke down and looked up this place.

    So, that's my lengthy introduction. Hopefully you won't have to see me on here ranting too often, but I'll be around and I'm always available to help where I can. :)
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Hi there. Feel free to rant all you want here.
  3. Ants

    Ants Well-Known Member

    Oh yes my dear, I do believe you have found what you are looking for. I haven't been back here for awhile and I think it is because after meeting some really great people here and finding out that so many people have similar feelings I wasn't so alone. I also came here for similar reasons. I spent a lot of time in the chat room and reading posts. Eventually I felt as though I had worked through many of my problems. I still get down, but not to the degree I used to. I am very glad I found SF. I hope you find some of the answers you are looking for. That's a lie. I hope you find ALL of the answers.
  4. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    Hey I hope you don't mind me given some advice. If you do just ignore it. You may want to find a therapist or phsychiatrist. It doesn't matter what people say, just get one if you feel you have a problem. I used to be a normal 13 year old boy. By 16 I new I had a problem but the few times I tried to talk about it people thought it was normal teenage angst. Now I am 18. I have no friends, am kicked out of my school, have numerous drug isues, have numerous mental issues, and have little hope. I hope I am not scaring you, I just even once imagined that what I was going thru then could lead to this. Im just saying that what is going on in your life may be able to be solved and trying to solve the problem on your own (what I did) might not get you anywhere. From what I hear you have real (family) problems but suicide is not a viable answer to them. If you care about your family you should know that. (sorry if that sounds harsh, I have abandoned my family before and both love and hate them. But if you really care about your brother you should understand that what you do greatly affects him). Maybe you could solve this problem before it gets worse and these things often do. There may be a solution. If you are embarressed about it, be strong. I didn't talk to many people about my problems because I was embarressed about them. But now I see that things might have gone diferently if I had told them to shut up and listen to me. Good luck,
  5. Squid

    Squid Member

    Thank you all. I haven't even been a member for a day yet and I already feel entirely welcome. That's something I haven't had in a while, so thanks again.

    And hardcore, I don't mind the advice at all. I was back and forth about getting one when I was beginning to have problems, but at that time all I wanted to do was ignore it. Stupid, I know. But hey, I was 14 and didn't know how else to deal with it. I'd be more welcome to the idea if the local therapists weren't so expensive. Even without a recession it'd be a pretty expensive endeavor. Good company seems to work just as well for me and it's entirely free, so it's a double win. Honestly I'm a happy-go-lucky girl 97% of the time, sometimes when I tell people about how I feel sometimes about my life they think I'm joking because of how happy I can seem. It's not all a cover up, I just cave easily under stress and when I get upset on top of that I plummet to a whole other extreme. It's weird now that I stop to think about it, but I guess you don't have to be down in the dumps all the time to have suicidal thoughts. Thank you for your advice though, I do take it to heart. It does mean a lot to me that you're willing to be open enough about how it has affected you and try to help me with that, it really does. It's also very brave of you. I promise you that if I can find a therapist or the need arises for me to need one I'll do it. For now I'm open to the idea of making friendships with people who can honestly relate. But thank you again. It's very kind.
  6. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    Welcome to SF! :)
    Hope you find the support you need here, feel free to PM me anytime. :hug:
  7. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    Hi Chelsea :)

    :welcome: to SF and I'm glad that you already feel welcome here :D

    Hopefully see you about :)

  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    welcome to the forum :)
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums!! Have you sat down with your father and talked to him about you and your brother moving in with him?? He can petition the court and ask for custody and with the two of you also saying you want to live with him there is a good chance that you will win...
  10. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    Hey Chelsea, welcome to SF!

    You can rant as much as you want to. I know all about the horrible game of tug-of-war that parents play after a divorce. My parents did the same thing, and even though I'm an adult now, they STILL talk about how horrible of a parent the other one was.
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Chelsea. i think one of the worst things a parent can do to a child when they are divorced is telling the children what a terrible person the other parent is. I dealt with similar things when I was a child. I too, decided I wanted to live with my father and my mother was not in favor of my choice. You are at the age that you can choose which parent you wish to live with. If your stepfather is verbally abusive to your brother, you need to do what you can to remove him from that situation. Would your father petition the courts to obtain residential custody of you both? Talk with him. Explain what is happening. I wish you luck with this challenge. It is not something that is emotionally easy to do. :hug:
  12. Squid

    Squid Member

    Yeah, we have. I asked my mom if she would sign over custody of me last summer and she didn't warm up to the idea, but when my brother decided he wanted to go about a month later she really lost it. I didn't want it to have to go through the court because I don't want this to hurt my relationship with her any farther than it already has been, but now a year later she's still coming up with contradicting excuses and I know she's not willing to sign it because she thinks it's a personal attack on her instead of her husband being the main problem. Really the whole thing epitomizes why I can't talk to her about anything because she flips out and just makes me feel worse than before. Regardless, my dad is serving her the papers here soon and hopefully everything goes smoothly. I'm honestly afraid that we might lose for whatever reason (I've always had rotten luck) but my brother and I are both more than old enough to express a preference to the court and hopefully the judge understands. I suppose only time will tell. I just hope that whatever the outcome, it happens as quickly as possible. I'm a rising senior and I have more important matters to attend to than being jerked back and forth between parents and court hearings and whatnot.
  13. Jehuty

    Jehuty Senior Member

    Welcome to SF! :hug:
  14. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF Chelsea.

    :hug: xx
  15. NotSureAnymore

    NotSureAnymore Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the site. I find comfort in letting it all out with people I hardly know.. but these same people can relate to just about everyone else. xx
  16. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    If you ever need someone to "rant" to, I am here for you.
    Never be afraid to come to me.
    I have been through what you have, it's almost alike.
    Hope you find what you came looking for. :)
  17. Squid

    Squid Member

    Thank you guys so much. Things have leveled out for the most part, at least for now. There's a lot of tension still, but I don't want to stir up any trouble. I'm enjoying the peace and feeling sane for now.
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