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Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Prof.Bruttenholm, Jun 10, 2010.

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  1. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Not sure what I am supposed to say.

    I hate myself and have contemplated and rationalized taking my own life.
  2. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    :welcome: to the forum hun :hug: i hope you get the support you need and if you ever need someone to talk to im just a pm away... :hug:
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, Professor! Welcome to SF :) You'll find lots of support here - maybe enough to begin changing your self-hate into some love for yourself.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    hey welcome to SF know everyone here is kind and would love to help you sort thru all that emotions you are feeling so keep posting okay so help is on the way.
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    welcome to SF Prof...
    we're here to help if we can...please keep reaching out for help and support..
  6. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    Hey baby welcome to SF :hamtaro:
    Hope you get all the support and help you need from this website! xx
  7. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Welcome to the site Prof. hope we can help you in some way :)
  8. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Thank you all, but I know you can not help me.

    I've heard what each of you is going to say thousands of times before, so it won't work now.

    I am intelligent, I understand psychology, sociology and use some of my free time to study human traits and characteristics, I have a number of books on the subject.

    I came here to see if I could be proven wrong.
  9. Perfect Melancholy

    Perfect Melancholy SF Friend


    Sometimes we can imprison ourselves in our own minds, think too much and not realise that we are following the wrong train of thoughts, I hope we can prove you wrong, take care and look after yourself.

  10. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    The world forced me into my own mind.

    Where creativity and imagination flourished but self-loathing and doubt bubble up like thick black ooze between the cracks in the road of my mind.
  11. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    You never know what someone might say that could help you sweetheart. This is just a website for help and support and really all we can do here is offer support. The real helping comes from you. And YOU wanting to help yourself and "got better" as one would say. I really hope that after reading through some of the threads that you will see the value of this website and how it can offer the correct amount of help for a person. :hugtackles: xoxoxooxoxox
  12. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    I have and it has not.

    I knew it wouldn't, I just wanted to give ever venue it's fair chance.

    My time on here was a waste, but my life is a waste, so it matters not.
  13. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    But you haven't even been a member long so you haven't given the website a chance. And you can't just give up.. you might think it is the best thing to do but :hugtackles: these things take time.. But things get better<3
  14. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    Really? Things get better, when!

    Let me sum up my life.

    Never knew my dad, don't care too.
    Sexually abused when I was young by a family member.
    Grew up as a strange outcast, finding solace in reading.
    Overly shy and trouble talking to girls.
    Weight gain and I already had asthma.
    My favorite uncle died of a heart.
    My other uncle died of a heart attack.
    My other uncle committed suicide.
    My favorite aunt died of horribly painful adrenal gland cancer.
    My other favorite aunt died a slow painful death due to an aneurysm.
    I never knew my half-sister until only three years ago and now barely talk to her because of our awkward relationship.
    Last year, my grandfather, closest thing I had to a dad, died.
    I have barely had a real relationship.
    My first girlfriend died a few years ago, we were broken up but it still caught me off guard.
    In my life I have lost contact with every friend I have ever made.
    And now, in college, I am so stressed about getting in my next school to help me achieve my dream that I am on the verge of a mental breakdown.
    All the while, dieting, exercising so I can deal with my body issues which were brought on due to being a constantly made fun of outcast when I was young.

    So tell me? When do things get better? When my mom or grandmother die?
    Or maybe when the sun explodes?
  15. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    no, perhaps when you get the right counselling and appropriate support for YOU to work your way through all these things. you've had a tough time, there's no wonder you find yourself feeling in a bad place. but from what you say you haven't managed to get your head / mind around these things yet, and any amount of sociological or psychological knowledge is going to allow you to do that. they give you theory of why these things happen (in the case of sociology) and about why you feel the way you do (in the case of psychology. - the emotions, in person, are very different and very unique.

    i dont think your time on here is a waste. the members whom you have spoken to in their threads are most certainly not a waste and may have been able to take something from what you have said to them. with regard to YOU - you can't heal in a day, or a week, or a month. as i said above - appropriate support and help can enable you to that. perhaps SF is part of that process.

    wishing you the best,
  16. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    <mod eidt: *sparkle* : insulting>

    I became dull to the death of those I cared for, I never shed a tear for any of them. It is useless to cry for the dead.

    I lost much of my childhood and ended up growing into an awkward adult <mode eidt: *sparkle* : insulting People who don't get shunned or have people look at them with fear in their eyes.
    People have run away from me in fear.

    I'm a monster.

    No one knows what it's like to be that.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2010
  17. *sparkle*

    *sparkle* Staff Alumni

    mm ok . id rather you didnt insult people who try to reach out to you on here thanks :) that includes staff- who joined the site for the same reasons as everyone else.

    ive been shunned. ive suffered in horrific ways - so suggesting that the way you feel is the only person is not correct. yes, the cirumstances are different but the results can be frighteningly similar.

    i wont continue with offering you support as you clearly dont want it even from people who try with no gain to themselves other than compassion. but i am here on PM if you need anyone and am more than happy to talk in a polite and respectful way.
  18. Prof.Bruttenholm

    Prof.Bruttenholm Well-Known Member

    No, I am fine.

    I am just going to help anyone I can.

    I already know how and when I will kill myself, so now I am mostly spending my time here trying to help others from hurting themselves or their families.
  19. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    I can understand from your list above why you would be low and feeling suicide but we are all here for the same reason. Everyone, even the moderators, are here because they want to help others, or find correct support or share their stories for others to get advice from. Thats what this website is for and you need to give it a chance. :shelbi:

    Although, I have said all I should have said as you obviously do not want any support or words of kindness from anyone on here. Is that not the reason to join a support group? But I have suffered as well, emotionally physically sexually and verbally. And I have lost the people I was closest to due to death- even my own child. And it is hard. But perhaps do not be as closed minded as to think others aren't suffering? :) we just want to help each other. Really!

    You can always PM me. Good luck :hamtaro: xo
  20. alices_ponder

    alices_ponder Well-Known Member

    Ps. Do not take what I said above about everyone else is suffering too as offensive. Reading back on it, it sounds a tad insensitive but that's not what I meant at all :) I just want you to help yourself! And the road to recovery is long and hard. But you have to start upon that road yourself if you actually want to find happiness in life. I would suggest perhaps going to a doctor and a counsellor if you have not already. And maybe take up classes in art or drama? They really can help you vent your emotions! And as stupid as they sound, they do help. :yay: Maybe even volunteer at a local animal shelter or charity shop? This would give you the opportunity to make some new friends :)

    Good luck baby :stars: xoxooxxoxo
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