Discussion in 'Welcome' started by mburgess, Jul 30, 2011.

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  1. mburgess

    mburgess New Member

    I guess I joined this site because I needed some companionship. I've been alone for so long. Yesterday my parents found out I've been planning or attempting suicide. I've always backed out at the last minute. Climbed out xxx and cried and begged the universe to send someone to help me. I guess I don't want to go all the way through with it if there is some chance that someone does love me and that I could be happy. My boyfriend hasn't really spoken to me in days--we just got back from a month long trip in Europe and he's reconnecting with everyone he's missed. I just don't understand how you can spend a month with someone and then act like they don't exist. But I told him that I tried yesterday to do it again yesterday, and he didn't really care. He just continued on with his day as if nothing had happened. Meanwhile I can't stop crying and I'm shaking and I hate everything. I feel so worthless. So useless. I just want everything to stop. I came home from this trip and no one noticed. Just like no one noticed I'd left. Aside from my family being a little curious as to why i didn't show up for dinner, I could die and no one would ever know. Last night I didn't want to go home after work because I didn't want to talk about it. I drove around for awhile, slept in parking lots and just waited. Hoping that maybe someone would come looking for me. Someone would worry. No one did. What do I do? Suicide really feels like the only answer. The pain is just too much. I texted my boyfriend the whole time. Reaching out, like all the websites said to do. He's only offered one word answers that basically say-- "I can't help you, I'm sorry you want to die" What am I supposed to do?
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 3, 2011
  2. Dae

    Dae Well-Known Member

    :hugtackles: =] Your boyfriend isn't being as supportive as you need, i would say decrease the amount you text him, because he could say something wrong to you. Have you spoken to your family? Told them that you need support, care, attention?

    Please know that when i say attention i don't mean it in a bad way. You just need someone to hold you when it's rough. OR at most talk to you.

    It's good that you're still here, and you're trying. And it's good that you have a will to live. If you can talk to someone in your family that you're close with, you don't have to talk to all of them, just one person first. Try making new friends, do things that interest you, or are new to you. Please don't give up =]

    and Welcome to SF
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi mburgess,

    Welcome to SF!

    Like Dae said, I think your boyfriend doesn't seem to be supporting you much if at all, especially given that he is making it seem like you don't even exist after your month-long trip with him in Europe.

    Can you reach out to your parents? Have you skipped dinner before? I wonder why they were only curious why you missed dinner, but then again I don't know your age or what else is going on in your life. I don't know you. One time, my parents freaked out and called 911 when I missed dinner on purpose and drove away from home. :hugtackles:

    I read in one of your other posts that your parents have tried to make small talk with you but don't ask how you are feeling. Maybe they are afraid to broach that topic since suicide is an extremely sensitive topic and can be difficult to approach. Yet, it is one of the most important to talk about. From reading your other posts and this one, I have reason to believe that they (and possibly other family members) are the ones most likely to support you throughout all of your ups and downs in life.

    Wish you the best,

    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 30, 2011
  4. Soul of a Dragon

    Soul of a Dragon Well-Known Member

    Hi there, we are here :) we are listening....
    I am sorry I don't really have any advice on your situation other than: stay stwong gurl you can makez itz =^.^=
    :cat: <--- Hey look its a cute cat!
  5. Pécheur

    Pécheur Account Closed

    Hi, welcome to SF.

    I was reading through your post and you remind me a lot of myself, when things get tough I do the same (parking lots). I know it's really hard at the moment and I'm sorry you're feeling so terrible.

    My advice would be to try and stop living the life that depression wants you to live and live how you want to (from what you've said it's not this way) and after work go straight home or get home and then go for a walk taking your surroundings in. Take something up that you're interested in like reading, drawing, music ect. Also waiting for your bf to miss you and not the other way round I find helps as it doesn't feel like all the responsibility of the relationship is on you then.

    The forum is supportive and you'll make some good friends on here that can help you through. Have you sought professional advice?
    Hope to see you around and my PM box is always open if you'd like to talk more.

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