I've been depressed up and down for years now, and I feel like its only gotten worse since I hit my 20s. I feel like my personality is so affected that I am losing all my friends and I'm not lovable or someone anyone wants to be around anymore. I just have this all-consuming wish that I was dead. I also feel even worse because I am not actually able to go through with it, like I'm a coward because I can't even do that. I've cut myself, choked myself, and taken pills but its never enough to actually do the job. I've had professional help, too. and it doesn't seem to do any good. I realize that the medication just makes me feel nothing. Therapists make me do dumb exercises that I know are supposed to help but I don't feel like they actually do anything. I don't want to involve my friends or family anymore than I already have. That's why I came here. I feel like a burden that nobody wants to bear or put up with. I just get so fed up with the process of seeking help. The official people just make money off you and put you on drugs and my support network just wants me to get over it already. Hence, nothing's changed. I'm still suicidal and I just want to die. If anyone can give me any insights on how they deal with these kind of feels, please enlighten me. I'm open to suggetions from someone who actually knows and can empathize with what i'm going through.